$ cmp blood_pressure.log anxiety.log

I ended up doing a test this morning. I woke up feeling like my heart was pounding — not racing, but pounding. I started checking my pulse to see if it was elevated, and my typical cycle of “health anxiety” started to kick in.

I had a pour of vodka and some junk food last night, am I going to have a heart attack? Is this the end? Will I die on Easter morning because of bad decisions?

Come on. I know that it’s not the end. But, I felt like it was. I went about my morning, having a morning cup of coffee, showering, dealing with sick kids (another trigger for anxiety for me.) Then it hit me. I should take my blood pressure. I bet if I do, I will see that I’m elevated and know that I need to readjust my meds. Then something odd happened.

My blood pressure was normal. For me, it was actually low.

I’m not having a heart attack. And, now I know it’s time to boost my CBD for the day, do some meditation, step away from the computer, try to get some exercise (maybe a little forging.)

Lesson learned: check the indicators, do the meditation, understand that anxiety can create odd physical sensations that don’t actually mean anything if you catch them early enough. In the past, I always just let it fester until it actually started to turn into real manifestations of blood pressures at 150/100.

Take care of yourself. You aren’t alone.

    Halt & Catch Fire Forging

    Written by

    The world bent me. The internet broke me. I’m stepping back and learning a useful skill. Dealing with mental illness through learning to forge steel.

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