Don’t worry. It wasn’t perfect. I still have a 4 year old and twin 7 year olds, after all. Sometimes they get along. Sometimes.
I’m not sure if the kiss good morning to a smiling wife after waking up after 7 AM had something to do with it, or her finally feeling like herself and interacting with our children, keeping them out of my hair.
Or not driving today.
Or getting time to sit and be productive, and take breaks to think, and allow my brain to rest.
Or rearranging our front room into more logical “spaces” and cleaning an area so that even if things are a disaster everywhere else, that one, relaxing space is still that.
Or maybe it was listening to my new vinyl (“And then like lions” by Blind Pilot).
Or having a plan for how we can start to work towards our dreams.
Or maybe it’s my new meds, starting to work.
Or it’s the victories I am having — small though they are — with my personal journey through CBT. Today it was seeing how I have gained weight in the past month (whether I have or just look like I have today). Instead of saying “you’re a failure, look how you have gotten more fat instead of losing the weight like you had been doing” I accepted that I’m not happy with how I look right now, but I have been forced to sit and drive 100+ miles per day for the past six weeks. I have been emotionally tapped out. Stressed. Stress eating. Exhausted. And it’s okay that I look the way that I do right now, because I have a plan to get it back.
I have a plan to walk daily, blacksmith, work in the yard. I don’t need to be tied to the car and the kids’ school schedule. I can actually have my own schedule, if I choose.