Drinking cheap ass coffee because, life. My grandmother transitioned realms Tuesday morning and since I found out I’ve been in a foggy space trying to open my heart up to what is this actually means for my family. Things are changing.
In came the new year and as mantra would have it- everyone is facing their new sleeves. & I’ve been so mean to myself lately. Pushing myself too hard. Wishing I was more ____ or demanding myself be more accepting of what’s happening out of my control. I spent the better half of today thanking myself for my resilience. Reveling in the healing powers of words and just offering myself some kindness even through the nuisances of life. Although I may not ever feel ready for a blessing I understand that my life is bartered on divine time. Tomorrow I want to try a bit of tenderness and allow it to become habit. Sometimes, I forget to be sweetness to myself. I spend a lot of time wishing it on everyone else that by the time I have space for me I’m exhausted, drained and desperately wishing for someone to come love up on me how I do them. It’s so easy to be kind to someone else. It’s so easy to wish wellness on the homeless woman asking for money. It’s so easy to “@” a insta friend in some motivational post that you know relates to them. It’s so easy to forget yourself when you run through your list of forgiveness . It’s also so easy to think kindly of your journey even if it’s not where you wish to be. It’s so easy just to remember you first. You just have to do it. Your spirit is begging you. And it is so easy to surrender to spirit. You just do it.