I truly believe that there is a difference between “living” and “being alive.” The act of living just starts the day your parents brought you into the world. But being alive, that takes so much more effort.
It is a journey of understanding what you want for yourself, for your life, for your loved ones. I think I truly came alive in December of last year. When I discovered what I was pursuing in college was no longer what I wanted.
I am a woman of many talents in a very hyperactive way. I love to try new things and to be constantly learning. It was my energy and my fire. But come December, I realized I wasn’t learning about myself and my capabilities anymore. I was investing in others.
I had worked for 3 1/2 years at Flagler College to push towards my PhD in Psychology and to become a Counseling Psychologist. I knew my life would be spent helping others reach their potential. But I found that I was the kind of sacrificial person that was no longer reaching my own potentital. I felt bored, depressed and completely lost. I was always the person with a plan. At that point, a plan was nonexistent.
I think that the best piece of advice I received was from someone I loved. The ones you love, although it may be hard to see it, they really know when you aren’t giving yourself what you need. My boyfriend asked me one day if I was really happy with what I was doing. I realized, by the mere act of being questioned out loud, I knew I wasn’t happy. I was pursuing something for the sake of pursuing it. For the sake of having a “perfect” life, but not a real life.
After awhile of soul searching, I found that those who were most happy pursued the creation of something they enjoyed. As a child of the 90s, I grew up with a PS console and still to this day play video games avidly. I also had a deep passion for animation and animated movies. I knew that for me to be happy I would have to create something between these two things that inspired me. I was between building video games and animation.
I settled on animation first but realized I was a terrible drawer. I decided that I would make games and to make games I would need to learn to code. I gave it a shot and started learning Java my last semester of college. On a whim, I applied for an internship with no experience. The internship was for Full-Stack Web Development. I wrote a cover letter to make a case for myself, considering I had no experience. Surprisingly, I was fortunate to get that very internship and now I am a passionate coder and technology enthusiast of 7 months! I am on my way towards programming for gaming on my free time and have a completely different skill set than just 6 months ago.
I am growing everyday and I am so lucky someone took a chance on me to give me this life changing opportunity. I am grateful for the men at The Right Profile, Sterling and Rodney for giving me this chance to change my course in life.
For you reading, ask and you will receive. Do not limit yourself because you find you are stuck; find a way around and work towards being alive. Work towards making yourself happy; its hard to be there for others if you are not there yourself. I realize that this doesn’t happen overnight, it is a lifelong battle. But coming alive is worth everything and you deserve it.