Feeling like I don’t understand, and perhaps I need a break.

Medium has gone down the shitter, in my opinion. I can’t find anything worth reading, and everything I do end up reading is Trump-related crap. I’m sick of it.

Everyone is hurting. Everyone is living in fear. I can feel it swarming around me like a hive of bees, constantly buzzing in my head, driving me nuts, while simultaneously stinging me all over my body and soul.

It hurts to read. That’s it — I said it. It hurts to hear about what’s happening to people all over the world. And while that was always an ever present cloud of darkness, now we have to worry about the USA, too. The place where we live, and thrive.

The place that should be leading by example, if we truly believe we are number one.

But instead, we’re kicking people out, building walls, and screaming hateful speech to anyone and everyone who we don’t believe is good enough to be on our level. To be in our country.

What’s going on? I can’t explain it. I can’t explain the ignorance and lack of empathy.

I can’t even think about it for too long without collapsing into depression, and those ever wonderful thoughts of, “what’s the point?”

People are suffering. Starving, thirsting, crying, freezing, burning, bleeding, crying.

Why are we hurting ourselves? When you look to your partner, your husband or wife, you’d do anything in your power to make that person happy — to keep them safe and healthy.

Walk outside, look around. Do you see all of the people wandering aimlessly? Driving their cars, racing to work? Do you see them, really see them, as one of you? Aren’t we all just bodies, with arms and legs, some organs and a giant brain? Aren’t we all aware that we are all HUMAN BEINGS that are just trying to do what you yourself are doing? Just trying to survive?

When you look across the diner at the people sitting around you, do you see people? Are they just decorations for the seats and tables, and does your world only include a select few people that supposedly matter more than anything else to you?

Did you think that maybe that redhead in the corner is someone’s wife, too? Or maybe that boy at the bar is struggling with school, like your own son?

Do you empathize with them when you see them cry? Do you even care why they cry?

And if it wasn’t a good enough reason in your eyes, does that mean you don’t have to care?

Because your beliefs are different, they’re different. They are no longer human.

I can’t watch the news anymore. I see mindless violence. Pointless protests. I see anger, hate and superiority amongst them. There is no such thing as neutral news. They’re so biased I feel like screaming and throwing my TV out my window.

I can’t read anymore. At least not on medium.

There’s too many articles regarding the happenings of the state of our humanity.

Or lack of humanity, as I have come to see.

So I guess, what I am saying is, I have to go. I have to depart from Medium — at least for now. I can’t take the hateful trolls who’s only agenda is to make people feel pain. I can’t stand the countless people who scream in support for a tyrant. I can’t stand to hear anymore personal stories of mistreatment and abuse.

I just can’t take it. I have to revert back into myself for awhile. I have to think. I have to pray. I have to plead to the Universe to help us. I have to look deep inside and find a way to cope with all of this destruction of love and humanity.

Sitting at the cafe, watching people walk in and out with their placid expressions, buying their frivoulous danishes and coffees for 90% markup, not having a clue as to what is going on in the lives of even the guy standing right behind them. And they don’t care.

No one cares, it seems.

What have we become? Where can we go from here? If we continue at this rate…

I start to part two halves of my heart in the dark and I
Don’t know where I should go
And the tears and the fears begin to multiply
Taking time in a simple place
In my bed where my head rests on a pillowcase
And it’s said that a war’s led but I forget
That I let another day go by
I want to be afraid but it seems that these days
I’m caught under water and I’m falling farther
My heart’s getting harder, I’m calling my father
Am I screaming to an empty sky?
Empty sky, no way, that’s me cause one half of my heart is free
Empty sky, no way, that’s me cause the other half of my heart’s asleep. — Tyler Joseph
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