I lost my fat ass within a year.
Once upon a time I was overweight, by a good bit. I weighed 240+ pounds and ate like a starving dog. Food was my escape and my comfort for many years.
I could still go for a large bowl of mac and cheese, but I digress...
For many years, I tried to lose weight, but nothing ever stuck. Dieting was too hard at that point in life, and I drank soda like alcoholics drink liquor. And water? I'd be lucky if I had to drink one glass a day.
When dieting failed, I tried quitting soda. That worked for a while, and I lost about 30lbs. I was so happy, but still overweight, and I hated my appearance still.
My nose was too long. My cheeks too fat. My eyes were too round. My hair was too redneck. My ass was HUGE. My legs were like jello. My neck was growing a double chin.
I slathered on the makeup, tons of foundation, eye shadow, eyeliner, lipstick, mascara. I tried to spend time on my hair but I usually just gave up and put it in a pony.
Looking in the mirror was a chore. I couldn't look myself in the eye for very long. I would end up crying at myself or staring too long and finding a million imperfections. I avoided that as much as possible.
I ended up gaining the weight back and then some, and I gave up. I stopped trying altogether. I just threw my hair up, went to work and didn't care.
Even though I really did.
After leaving my ex and making my own life, I started exercising here and there, but that didn't last long either. It was a chore and it was boring. I started eating better, counted my calories, and that lasted about 8 months. I saw minor changes in my weight, but I was still disappointed considering the amount of effort I was putting in.
And then the magic started happening, a little less than a year ago. I was introduced to cannabis, although I had been around it my whole life (my mom and sister smoked all the time) I always refused it (and all other "substances") for as long as I can remember. But this time, I chose to smoke it.
That first bowl, I thought — oh shit, I messed up. It sent my anxiety torpedoing around inside me. I couldn’t stop coughing (or at least I was fixated on it) and I couldn’t stop shaking. When M tried to kiss me, I felt like I had to recoil away, melting into the sofa, trying to stay calm.
It was rough. I told myself, never again.
My next bowl came from a potato.
A man made pipe! I was skeptical, but I smoked again. I remember embarrassingly cough-blowing right into M's face. He didn't mind. We got super baked (no pun intended!), and this time, I had no adverse reaction. I felt chill, my mind was calm (holy moly!) and I was able to relax.
There were many, many munchie phases, and I was certain I was going to get fatter than ever. The benefit, however, was having M there. He kind of forced me to eat healthier, especially when we were munching out. And because we were just dating, I was overly focused on trying not to be a pig with him.
After that, I started smoking regularly, and I started seeing the pounds fall away. Huge, noticeable changes. My stomach shrunk, almost flat! My butt, while still large and in charge, is smaller too! My legs are melting away. I went from a size 22 jeans to size 13. From 240+ lbs to 178 lbs. And no more double chin. In fact, my face is as healthy as ever.
Cannabis not only helped me lose weight, it cleared my unhealthy skin. I went from having bad acne, to none, and that uneven skin tone? History. Nowadays, I'm so happy with how my skin looks, I never wear foundation.
I feel healthier too, and I know it's a combination of healthy eating (for the most part) and consuming cannabis. I feel great, confident, happy with my appearance. I look at myself in the mirror now and smile, laugh, talk. I stare myself in the eye and say, damn, you're sexy.
I no longer worry about what other people think. I wear what I want, even if the colors clash. I cut off my hair and now it's short and wavy and great. I paint my nails and don't care when they start to chip away. Some days I go all out on my eye makeup and some days I just pencil on some eyeliner. And I feel good.
I love myself.
And even though I have to give myself credit for putting in the effort, I have to give all my thanks to cannabis and the wonders it can do. This plant is amazing, definitely created to help people. And I can't wait for it to be a bigger part of daily lives.
Yeah, cannabis aided in a lot of ways, but ultimately it was up to me to start loving myself. I won't lie, shedding the pounds boosted my confidence to the extreme, but even with that it's important to remember that loving myself is a state of mind, and being. I could be a super hot model and still hate who I am.
I've seen picture perfect women question themselves because it's not just about how you look. It's all about how you feel. Things can help you start feeling better, of course. Losing weight, new clothes, new hairstyle, etc... That all boosts you up, but it's up to you to maintain a good healthy relationship with yourself. Then you'll have true confidence!
You're all beautiful, handsome, and amazing! Let's all chill out and bake some potatoes. (See what I did there?)
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