I lost my nerve to write.
I’ve been MIA from medium for awhile. I’ve seemed to have lost my will to write anymore. It’s not a huge mystery why. I know why. I let someone have power over me, over my abilities.
I don’t know if I’m over it or not but I’m trying to push past the hesitance of opening my writing app and putting words down. Every time I go to type something out, I give up.
Except this time.
Combined with not having access to the Internet, I’ve had to pretty much abandon my publications.
But I’ve told myself not to worry about it. I can’t change the direction of wind, I can just adjust my sails. And now I am.
I don’t feel anything I’ve written lately is worth publishing but I can’t think like that.
I need to just get back into the groove of things and write.
Once I said I write only for myself. I learned that isn’t completely true. But it’s hard when the person you respect the most blatantly insults you without care. And never apologizes or even shows any regret.
Yes, it hurt.
I’m slowly rebuilding myself in that regard. I’ve lost all faith and confidence in my writing, and have shut my voice out.
But I can’t do that. I think about writing every day and want to write every day but then, I don’t.
Well today, I start again. This may be the worse thing I’ll ever publish on medium, but it’s my re-entry. If words are the key and Medium is the door, I’ll keep trying until it’s opened to me again.
And if that doesn’t work, I’ll just pick the lock.