There’s one thing in life I want more than anything else. Something natural that most have since birth and beyond.

I’m about to hit the big 30 and I can’t stop thinking about if I’ll ever have what I want. What I feel I need.

It’s not a matter of money, really. I can handle that part quite easily. Especially because I only have what I need. No unnecessary bills.

Time is also not an issue. Working only 4 hours a day allows me plenty of spare time.

I personally feel ready, but I have been told that I am not. Even though I should know myself better than that, I allow those words to sink in and harm me.

But without you, I can’t possibly have what I want, and you’re clearly not ready. Or as you claim, I am not ready.

I don’t believe you.

I am ready.

I want a family.

I want a real family, a family of my own. Not yours, not my leftover excuse of a family. Not your ten brothers and sisters. Not your mom and dad. Not your nieces and nephews.

In fact, being with your family depresses me. You don’t even realize it, but I can’t blame you. I have never told you the real reason why I don’t like spending time with your family.

I do love your family. But they are not mine.

I feel so very alone when I am with your family.

It’s not their fault. They are nice, and wonderful people and they treat me with a decent amount of respect. But they are not mine.

Do you understand?

You’re oblivious.

I see newborns and I want to cry. You tell me your brother is getting married, and I want to cry. You tell me your sister is having another baby, and I want to cry. Yet, you have no idea.

How do I talk to you about something so life changing? You’ll just dismiss it, or tell me again how not ready I am.

“Why would I want a kid with someone who acts like one?”

Thanks…