The problem with lying

Let’s be real, the only reason anyone lies is because they perceive that the truth is not favorable to them as an individual. People lie to make themselves look better, or to avoid some type of repercussions that they imagine a fact-based reality will hold for them.

The key word in that sentence: “imagine.”

Not in the John Lennon sense.

But in the sense of, “it’s all in your mind.”

Fear is not real. Fear exists only in the mind. When you lie, you give your fears power. You let them hold sway over you. Fear wins — but fear does not even exist. Haven’t you ever had the experience of being deathly afraid of something — and then when it actually happens, it’s no big deal? The fear of it creates the pain. You’ve created something out of your own mental disturbances.

When you lie, then what existed only in your thoughts now takes on greater meaning and magnitude because you’ve acted on it and made it real when it wasn’t real before.

That’s not even the biggest problem. What happens though when everyone knows that you’re a liar? That you’ll do anything you can to get out of a situation that makes you look bad? That you’ll adjust the facts according to your own level of comfort?

Here’s what happens:

Your adversary can go into a private meeting with you and say all the right things. They can tell you exactly what you want to hear. You’ll come out of that meeting saying how great it was, that everyone agrees with you, that they love you.

And then your adversary can claim that you’re making it up.

THEY can lie. They can say anything they want about the conversation. If everyone knows you’re a liar, then they can say, “He’s lying, that’s not what I said. We never agreed to that. We agreed to THIS.”

And now the world wonders if you are a fool who sold yourself down the river.

You can get played, in a spectacular way.

When everyone knows that you lie, you can fast become a pawn.

Being a laughingstock will be the least of your worries. Now all of a sudden you’ve lost all the power.

Besides all that, of another less-than-ethical person taking advantage of your lack of ethics, there’s the whole EXPERIENCE of lying, and what it does to you.

When you lie, you’re always looking over your shoulder, hoping you don’t get caught. The original lie was born out of nervousness and fear. Now all of a sudden, you’re more nervous. More fearful. You’ve created more of the exact thing you were trying to avoid.

The saddest part of lying is that it’s such a sign of weakness. To lie is to admit that you can’t deal with the truth.

It takes a strong person to be steadfast in the face of difficulty.

Reality sucks. But it’s what we’ve got.

If the truth will set you free, then what does a lie do?

Or how about 10,000 of them? And counting?

A compulsive liar is admitting to everyone that they lack courage. That their self-esteem is so low that they’re doing everything in their power to compensate.

A liar has no convictions. What’s it like to go through life when everything is so slippery?

You’re always scrambling for purchase. There is no steady ground.

Does the liar even know who he is?

When you lie, you’re cheating yourself of the opportunity to change. When you lie, you’re skipping over the part where life is trying to tell you something. When you lie, you’re sacrificing the gift: The opportunity of self-reflection.

It is only when we look within that we are able to grow.

Lying is about whitewashing reality. It’s about insisting that things are not how they are. But guess what? You’re not the one who gets to decide that. There are larger forces at play in all of our lives.

Lying is delusion.

It’s also awfully disrespectful. It’s saying that your needs are greater. That you’re the one who matters. Nobody else.

Not only is lying counterproductive and corrosive to relationships, it’s egotistical.

Lying is mean — in the sense of being not-nice, and also in the original sense of the word: Petty.

When you get a reputation as a liar then you’re forcing everyone who deals with you to expend more energy than necessary in managing YOU, instead of working towards results that will benefit all. Everyone is always second-guessing and strategizing. You become like a black hole, sucking up all the light.

When you lie, you’re living in an alternate world — a house of cards that you have constructed. You know in your gut that it may crumble at any time. You’re consumed with making sure that nobody finds out.

That’s no way to live.

When you lie too often, you are forced into more lies, and all of it is fake. Your life becomes a sham. It’s all about appearances, and none of it is real.

Pretty soon, you can’t even tell what is true anymore.

And then what are you left with?

“It is only with the heart that one can see rightly. What is essential is invisible to the eye.”

• Antoine de Saint-Exupery

edit March 2020: The other problem with lying is, when there’s an actual crisis and the people are relying on you to take control and actually lead, nobody will trust a thing that you say, and every time you speak, the stock market will drop 1,000 points.

Also by this author: Please don’t succumb to the hate (2020)