Have we gone mute or are we not speaking right?

Esther Momah
Sep 4, 2018 · 4 min read

Father knows. The more I accept I have a heart for the state of transportation in Nigeria, the more he gives me the grace to make a difference where I can.

Will leave the stories for another day but here are my thoughts on ‘speaking up’.

I’m not a very boisterous person. I can be very reserved. For that reason, I keep quite a lot of things to myself, except from my husband who always seems to know my heart, cos I tell him everything.

So, generally, I’m not the type of person who would quickly address a matter or air my feelings the moment I feel uncomfortable. I’m the type who thinks through, tries to understand the situation and maybe if necessary, talk about it, if and only if, it’s worth my time. Otherwise, I’m like ‘naa, whatever!’ lol. I let things go and hope there won’t be a repeat.

I am using myself to illustrate why it’s not always okay to ‘sweep things under the carpet’ or play ignorant when things are out of order.

For a long time, and I still do, I wondered why Nigerian’s watch people behave badly and say or do nothing about it. It’s become a culture that flows from the top — our leaders — to the least in our society. It’s the reason crimes go unpunished and Nigerians are unashamed to repeat the same crimes — no deterrence.

For the purpose of my interest, I have spoken to quite a number of drivers and conductors in the past about their behavior on the road. In recent times, I find that they actually listen to my counsel. There was a time they would ignore me. I felt discouraged and thought ‘What’s the point, these men are set in their ways already. What more can I do?’

Thankfully, that idea is changing. God is encouraging me again to talk to them. He is teaching me to speak kindly and to help them understand why certain patterns of behaviour are harmful if they were to consider, thoughtfully, the safety of lives and properties.

Truth is, too many of us Nigerians are naturally disposed to gloss over things or the complete reverse. Those who never see the ‘big deal’ are usually:

1. Afraid to speak up because we have been hurt too many times.

2. Unmoved to make a difference because we don’t think it will matter and

3. Even when we speak, we do so from a place of authority and superiority and those who can’t feel the kindness in our words, tell us off!

Those who are the reverse:

1. Talk too much. Our words are no longer potent

2. Quick to judge. We never consider the truth or the various sides of the story. For example, we believe a certain group of people are ‘always’ bad and we declare it so

3. …and of course our approach at addressing issues are also faulty

Which category do you fall?

…there’s another category though.

Not a lot of us speak up or know when to speak up. And it’s a problem. A lot of the time, we are mute. We’ve all grown weary of enforcing the right behaviours because of the type of system we live in. Some of us don’t even have the courage to do so. but it takes courage to make a differnce. Here’s a third category that can solve that problem…

1. Practice speaking up. But be humble with your words. People don’t like to be judged or made to feel insecure.

2. Speak with respect and understanding. Listen first to understand before you are understood, says Steven Covey.

3. …and if out of anger for the right things to be done, you create a ‘scene’, make sure your personality is one that isn’t naturally troublesome.

The one thing I know is that we cannot afford to be mute. Our nation will fall apart and we’ll all be accountable for not helping one another to be our best selves.

Pause. Pause. The next time you see a bus driver and his conductor behaving poorly, help them understand there’s a better way to do business. Speak in the language they understand — pidgin, Yoruba, Igbo, Hausa etc. Make them feel like humans. Ignore those who think you are wasting your time. Focus less on the negative feedback you might get and more on the positive feedback you CAN get. You would have struck a cord in their hearts.

Until there’s a complete overhaul — a practice of professionalism and excellence in our transport sector — let’s play our roles as ambassadors of good conduct. Which means we must demand the same on ourselves whether or not others are watching.

*psss… you know the thing about speaking up, our lives depend on it ! This includes our families, neighbours, friends and all loved ones. After all, these drivers hold the wheels of the buses, kekes, okadas and taxis.

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