O Spouse, Happy 6 Year Anniversary
We have two anniversaries to celebrate, and although a wedding anniversary is extremely important, I think the day that we met is even more important and should be celebrated. I’m sorry that being sick has given me the energy and fatigue of the old version of Melisandre, because if I could be more active right now, I would take you to the finest restaurant in New York, or to a fun and interesting show in the city. I guess tonight, we will have to settle for SlingTV, candles and hugs.
Even though I have told the story hundreds of times, I never stop thinking about the first time I saw you outside of the cupcake bar on our first date. I readied myself more yet another heartbreak, at a point in my life where I was pretty much alone in New York on my own and could not take even one more. I thought about deleting my OKCupid. But a friend told me that the only way she found her husband was to go on 100 dates. She said she would force herself to endure weird guy after weird guy, and try to get in 100 dates in a year until she found Mr. Right. The good ol’ spray and pray approach.
I never got close to 100 dates, but I braced myself for as much heartache as I could take and promised myself I would not stop until I found my soulmate. Somehow I knew, as soon as you walked in the door and I awaited you in the glow of warm candles and buttercream with sprinkles, that you were the one.
I never believed in love at first sight, and I don’t think you can truly fall in love with a person until you’ve endured massive hardship together, lost something together. “You don’t really know a woman until you’ve had a strong drink and a fistfight with her.” — Uthgerd the Unbroken
Then, someone really shows their true colors. Time and hardship create true love, not a shy glance. Still, I knew from the moment I looked into your gentle, dark eyes that you were kind, and that something different was going to happen. Nearly instantly, I felt a bit more safe and vulnerable with you than usual. I knew, as our first conversation unfolded, that you were special and could maybe trust you.
That night, I did not want our date to end. We walked on and on throughout the city, talking about consciousness, teleportation, and the Oxford comma! Like a sleazy carnie, I attempted to seduce you with rich wine and chocolate desserts, even a champagne toast when we found out we somehow knew (and didn’t like!) the same exact person from our pasts. I even had to trick you into a kiss over Jeopardy playing in a bar.
“If I get this question right, you kiss me, and if you get this right, then I kiss you.”
I couldn’t just bowl you over with random lips, that would be weird. I thought it was sly and fun, and if you totally weren’t into it, we could laugh. But I’m happy you fell for my game. Because I still think about that kiss often, and how it made my heart beat fast, like it was my first kiss ever. I don’t think I ever really had a kiss like that before.
I knew when you made me breakfast a whopping two dates later, that you were someone who cared, that you were different. No one else did that for me before. You put up with me feeling defensive during the first few months, because I felt you were too good to be true. That it was only a matter of time until I’d be hurt again.
You taught me something I had not yet learned in 30 years of traveling this country mostly alone and searching for a home: that people can be good, and love can come without conditions. Together over the years, we have travelled to underground bars in Berlin, old monasteries in Prague, the terrifying catacombs in Paris, and exquisite palaces in London. There is no greater companion that I would want to travel this world on adventures with than you.
Our love was tested and tried. You stood shoulder to shoulder with me in the fear of death, and I stood shoulder to shoulder with you in the face of actual death. Neither of us could be shaken, and we are all the more stronger for it. For as I said, a real and true love is not based on a shy glance.
A real and true love is unbending.
