OMG this is the best thing I’ve EVER read on Medium. I wish I had helpful advice to give you, I am a super old NY lesbian who got out of the dating game before apps became a thing. I wish I could tell you that lesbians are less gross than guys, but they are actually kind of mean and crazy, haha. I guess three things jumped out at me:
1) Was the woman you slept with gay (or has slept with another woman?) I feel like a queer woman wouldn’t say, “It feels like we’re friends.” Maybe it might be worth trying again with someone more aggressive.
2) A large number of these guys seem like they’re assholes. Sex can never be good with an asshole. (Figuratively, not literally!) I think you needs someone who is more kind and receptive. Try shooting for someone you feel really comfortable and cool with instead of ultimate boyfriend material, and try hooking up with a few people until you find one that fits your style. Sexuality is like a chain reaction — when you’re well-fed, laid back and confident, you get so much good sex, but when it’s a cold spell, it feels impossible.
3) I know how you feel, I always told myself, “This time all shall be casual!” And the sex was horrible unless I felt really taken by the person, which defeated the whole point of casual sex. Some of us girls need that emotional connection more than others. If it’s not possible to get a casual partner, work on making yourself feel like a goddess: get new perfume, new lingerie, maybe even a new hairstyle. Pretend you’re a femme fatale and envision yourself in that role. It will shift your whole energy and put you in control of sex and attracting sex. Trust.