Immigrant’s diaries— 27 months gone.
Why did you choose Canada? Why did you leave your home country? Do you intend to return to your home country? I have no simple answers to questions like these. I left Nigeria twenty-seven months ago. When I left, I had no plans in the way normal people do. I got admitted into a masters program I was excited about. I resigned from my job, packed my bags and left, without a winter jacket, in February, to Canada. Nothing could have prepared me for winter 2015 — from 35 degrees in Lagos to -35 degrees in Ottawa. As you may already can tell, I did not do a lot of research before leaping.
I am hardly one to be described as adventurous and taking a 24-hour flight (2 stop overs) away from home definitely ranks as the wildest thing I’ve done. But this time, I wanted to expose myself to a new and different environment. This for me was not only leaving my comfort zone but doing so with blindfolds on. More importantly, I had an assurance in my heart to take this leap of faith. Two years seem really long when I think about how much has happened in its span. I wanted to write about my experience, to look back and capture my thoughts and personal lessons from this journey.
Writing about this will be fluffy without appreciating the challenges of immigrating. It really doesn’t matter what economic state you leave from and to, leaving home is tough. Especially leaving as an adult. The culture shock, the loneliness, the steep learning curve (regardless of how smart you are, a lot to unlearn and relearn). Some of these challenges are more pronounced for singles like me, you start to realize what cushion having family and friends around provides, and you miss that! There is also the unsettling self-consciousness that creeps into your emotional space, this can be overwhelming.
Even more personally, about five weeks in, I experienced anxiety attacks. Each morning I was greeted by a flood of worrisome thoughts. It was triggered by the loss of my grandmother who lived with us. She passed a month after I left and 2 weeks after I had Skype’d her and my mum. It was tough for me to grieve alone, all the while wondering how the rest of my family was taking her loss. I overcame the anxiety attacks after some time as I stayed meditating on bible verses in my prayer time. I learned to respond to those thoughts with God’s word and they gave way to higher thoughts. My faith in God’s love for me has been and is my strongest shield in every circumstance. In all the seasons of my life, in all changing times and uncertainties, my anchor is Christ Jesus. And for a new immigrant like me, this faith would mean everything.
Another interesting challenge I think a lot of immigrants face is the fear of losing your national identity. Its funny how things like national identity may not mean a lot until you move out. There is also the concern that you will always be a foreigner of some sort, even when you go back home. Case in point, I had the opportunity to visit my home country in January this year and at an event I attended, I was introduced as “Esther …from Canada..”. I felt uneasy. I had spent 2 years in Canada being known as the one from Nigeria (owned it!) only to return to be referred to as the one from Canada. While I love both countries, I did not expect to get the foreigner tag in my home country. I remember talking about this concern with two other immigrants and they share this same experience. When they go back home, they are regarded as foreigners. In my response, I have become more insistent on my nationality, these days I can hardly introduce myself without throwing in the bit about my nationality. Needless to say, I love being Nigerian!
Although there is a lot to say about this, I have done a fair bit of writing to appreciate the challenges from my point of view. It is worth pointing out that all of the challenges I have faced so far pale in comparison to the valuable experiences and relationships I have gained in these past months. I will spend some time highlighting these and some helpful tips in subsequent posts.
Thanks for reading this.
Cheers!
(Feel free to comment or connect :) )
