Want a stronger team? Make “professional” a bit more personal.
I recently listened to a podcast from Andreesen Horowitz, hosted by Sonal Chokshi, entitled “Giving and Getting Feedback — for Bosses and Employees.” The podcast was an interview with Kim Malone Scott, author of Radical Candor.
I encourage everyone to listen in. I’m an avid listener of the a16z podcast and this is a particularly excellent episode, BUT I think the most exciting part of the discussion is hidden between the lines. Mid-way through the podcast Kim remarks, “One of the great things about having a great boss, is that a great boss will help you grow as a person. And for a lot of people, a big part of what gives work meaning is personal growth.”

Personal growth. That gave me pause.
And again, later, Sonal asks Kim to give the listeners some basic guidelines on giving good feedback. She chuckles, then answers, “Well one of the first things you can do is remove ‘don’t take it personally’ from your vocabulary.”
Again. I paused. Kim’s certainly right, no one appreciates hearing that they shouldn’t take feedback personally. This begs the question: why do we think that “don’t take this personally” is somehow a savvy thing to say?
It’s because many of us, including myself, were subconsciously taught that business is not personal. As a matter of fact, we’re taught that business is impersonal.
And it’s making our companies worse.
Most of us spend more time with our coworkers than we do our families. Yet, at some point, we decided that it was better, it was more “professional,” for us to check our personal problems at the door and do our work. We decided it was better for us to separate the personal from the professional.
Here’s the thing — it’s not.
In 2012, Google’s Project Aristotle tried to determine which characteristics, algorithmically, defined the best teams. Their answer? Well, it’s a bit complicated. But, regardless of changing specific traits, all successful teams shared a common trait: “Psychological Safety,” or “a team climate characterized by interpersonal trust and mutual respect in which people are comfortable being themselves.”
“What Project Aristotle has taught people within Google is that no one wants to put on a ‘work face’ when they get to the office. No one wants to leave part of their personality and inner life at home. But to be fully present at work, to feel ‘’psychologically safe,’ we must know that we can be free enough, sometimes, to share the things that scare us without fear of recriminations. We must be able to talk about what is messy or sad, to have hard conversations with colleagues who are driving us crazy. We can’t be focused just on efficiency…We want to know that work is more than just labor.” (NYT)
So, if we want more successful teams we need to encourage, trust, respect, and comfort with expressing who we are and the challenges we face. But, our current conception of professionalism doesn’t allow for that. In fact, it does the opposite.
Professionalism is defined by its difference from the personal. After all, “It’s not personal. It’s just business.” You shouldn’t air your dirty laundry at work. Isn’t your Stage 4 cancer a bit TMI?
These examples might sound a bit dramatic, but can you say honestly that most people would feel comfortable discussing challenges with self-esteem at work? What about feeling like they’re unqualified, an “imposter”? Would most people be comfortable asking how other people manage their work stress at home?
Fear of expressing who we are and how we feel (within reason) makes us less productive.
Now don’t get me wrong, not all of what we think of as being “professional” is bad — far from it. To be organized, concise, respectful, these are all traits of a great professional, but they are also the traits of a great person.
OK — you say. Here’s another millennial obsessed with his damn psychological safety. But, if you want a business that runs better, more quickly, with lower employee turnover, consider this: your professional life is one of the most important components of your life, but it is only part of who you are as a person. The professional and the personal should not be separated.
You want success? Don’t push your team to be better professionals, help them be better people.
