Cheapening Sex

t’s reasonable to assume it is now considered normal to just ‘sleep’ with people, for the hell of it.

You could say it’s a good experience for growth?

It’s part of a search for sexual identity?

‘Try-before-you-buy’ perhaps?

Oh, and of course — sex is fun!

But have you considered you may in fact be cheapening the whole thing?


I don’t regret any of the choices I’ve made in regards to women, because they’ve all held some lesson in one form or another.

Different experiences creating different realities creating different people. I mean I wouldn’t be the person I am today without it all, quite obviously.

But all of those experiences have left me asking more questions each time. Or perhaps different questions.

Who should I date?

Should I put more energy into this girl?

Should we continue having sex?

Should I keep searching?

The questions go on and on, and if you’ve ever experienced identity issues (such as myself), you probably have moments where you feel yourself losing track of innate values or morals that you’ve usually been pretty in tune with. That’s life, right?


At times, I begin to doubt whether I’m pursuing sex or a partner with a healthy mindset — healthy in regards to my overall well-being.

But I do wonder about casual sex. I mean, its just ‘sex’, right? Are we really able to have sex without intimacy? How long could that really be satisfying?

Well, let me sit back and identify what I personally appreciate about good sex.

Lust.

Passion.

Comfort.

Connection.

Intimacy.

Playful aggression (hey, if you’re both into it, why not?).

Love.

All of these words and themes are very powerful, in one way or another. Whether casual sex for you brings about any of these sensations are yours to identify with.

Perhaps you identify with some of them? Perhaps you’ve encountered a kindred spirit that provoked emotions you’d never felt before, or made you feel in ways you didn’t know you could.

I know for myself, different women and different dating experiences almost developed a kind of ‘theme’ to my life. They were a big part of my train of thought each day. They influenced me whether I liked it or not.

I’ve had a tendency to occupy my mind and energy with women when perhaps I should have been focusing on myself. I’ve learnt that only recently.

But I sit and ponder whether it’s worth going through the motions of casual sex, just to satiate that little, horny devil called ‘Libido’.

You horny devil Libido!


Friends ask, you read articles, you watch television, see movies — all constantly emphasizing this drive we should maintain to get out there and chase. Chase sex.Keep looking. Me. Me. Me. My needs. My wants.

Chase, chase, chase.

Now chasing in and of itself is not a bad thing entirely — how do you think people end up happily ever after a lot of the time? Yes, we must search and fight for the things we want. Nothing just falls in our laps without a certain level of effort.

But man — when you’re out there to chase the kind of sex that you know will leave you questioning why you bother…screw that.

Putting yourself in those random social settings that you don’t really want to be in, trying to make eye contact with every person that passes the ‘6’ on your scale of ‘not-to-hot’, making half-engaging dialogue with a person you can see you have perhaps an INKLING of common interests with.

That’s effort. And that’s effort for a stale chunk of cookie that’s dry, with barely any chocolate chips from a hard to reach cookie jar.

Can you tell I like my cookies?


I digress, what all this may result in is the cheapening of an act that not only holds physical gratification for both parties involved (or you’d hope so — girls, you know what I mean) but the potential for a great deal more. Passion. Love. Total acceptance of each others flaws. How nice is it to be comfortable with the person your sleeping with? To be unafraid to say what you like and don’t like. It doesn’t bother you, because you know that person loves you! You can be totally free with each other — no judgement. It’s not a performace. It’s two people coming together in the most intimate way. A total connection. Pure love. Ahh. How much more satisfying! Not to mention, the absense of awkwardness the next morning. Ugh. That sucks.

Spitting fires of passion, connecting in heated moments of raw, unrehearsed physical intimacy.

Mmm. That’s the kind of cookieI want — sex, sorry, I mean sex.

Yes, that’s the kind of sex I want.

Not sex with a girl I feel I can’t be honest with — that I’m performing for, and that keeps my mind wandering before I’m even sure if I like her! When your mind is sure, the sex is amazing — to put it simply. We forget this. We want satisfation and we want it now! How greedy of us, not to mention counterproductive. There’s also the potential for hurting someone. I don’t like making a girl feel used or rejected. And why? Just so I can satisfy my own lust for an evening.

There’s also the very real possibility for STDs and babies! Yeah, we like to ignore that one when we’re horny. If, however, you happen to catch something or get a girl pregnant, and that girl happens to be someone you care deeply for, are not you more willing and able to deal with it in a spirit of love? You are.

No, I don’t want sex with a girl who I just met who turns out to be someone completely different than myself, and with whom has nothing in common with me other than us both being very horny in a moment.

Yes, I know I want the kind of sex that defines REAL sex, and what it was actually intended to be. I think I’ll try and remember that the next time I’m tempted. It’s only momentary satisfaction with very REAL consequences and an impeding feeling of emptiness.

Man, I can’t wait to have that again.