Tears for my Mom

This is actually somewhat hard to read — mainly because of issues with both my parents, namely my dad. It seems a lot of people take a great deal of time to overcome resentment or anger or frustration towards their parents.

I came back to a family I deserted for five years. My father’s life slowly turned to shit, and only now is he piecing it back together.

But last year, there was a pretty raw and brutal moment I’ll never forget. He’d just lost his factory he’d owned for 25 years, had lost his mother a few years earlier, had run out of options for his business, was looking for places to live and had no money. He had a broken relationship with his three songs and could barely manage a civil conversation with my mother.

We came home to him in the backyard. He through a tantrum, screamed, punched a brick wall a few times, then sobbed for a few moments whilst biting his knuckles. Then he placed his hands on his head and stared up into the sky, and that’s when I saw it.

The look on a man’s face who feels his life has been nothing but failures, challenges, pain and struggle. Like he was broken. Like he had reached the age of 60 and had nothing to show for it. Like he felt worthless.

I actually had to turn away to stop from crying. To see someone break is one of the hardest things to watch. I’m glad I’ve fast tracked the process of understanding who and what my parents are — people struggling just like everyone else.