I Owned an Android Phone for a Single Day

It just didn’t work out. No, I didn’t return it because a phantasmagoric Steve Jobs appeared at the foot of my bed screaming swear words at me. Funny how new mail appears instantly in Android Gmail, whereas iOS Mail has to spin a tiny spinner while far away an elderly man painfully rises from his chair to walk to a wall with many blinking lights to check whether you’ve received any new correspondence, or so it feels. Like that little man, my iPhone is old. iPhones are so expensive. I wonder what my plasma is worth.