7 Astonishing Trigger Warnings That You Are Unhappy
I was lucky to discover early enough in life that I was unhappy. I could set out to course correct.
Others may not be as privileged. They bear the burden of a lifetime of unhappiness without zeroing down on the source. This is dedicated to those silent sufferers. The seven hidden trigger warnings that you are unhappy with your reality:
1. You are unhappy & in the dock
I come from a well known family. Well known for mental health problems. We should have seen it coming down the generations but it didn’t. That’s how sneaky unhappiness is.
My mother lives in constant vexation & anger at being an easy target for the World. She suffers from a high level of AD. That reads anxiety disorder. People got that about her. Many of them used it to their advantage. They would be mean, criticize or simply treat her like a doormat. They knew they would get away with it every time. She wouldn’t realize it at first but in hindsight seethe with fury. Dad or I served as her punching bags. Like I said we should have got the clues, but we didn’t.
If you are not at peace with who you are it could mean you are unhappy with your reality. It shows up as self- loathing. You take self -critical to the extreme. Everyone sees it but you. You always seem to be mentally flogging yourself over the slightest of follies. A not so kind world takes that as open day to criticize you. And judge you. Shame you too. When you are doing it to yourself why can’t they? You feel like you are in the dock all the time. When you recognise this trigger, slow down. Consciously try to let yourself off the hook more often.
2. Big brother is watching
It stuns me to see how much of our lives we define by our past. Some of my interactions with my family from when I was 8 years old still stand out. The quality of interactions of course have been of the steadily deteriorating kind. There came a point when they would only talk to me to criticise or judge. As a child, I often asked myself “why do other kids get criticized a lot less?” I put it down to my incompetency. The answer should have been that their mums were more at peace with themselves. No points for guessing what it did to my happiness quotient!
The self- loathing shows up as harsh criticism of others. When you are over judgmental of the World it could be a sign you have an unhappy reality. Our judgements & criticism are directed primarily at those near & dear. But we also target friends, acquaintances and work colleagues. If you are losing relations, friends and career progress at a rapid rate, it may be time to worry.
3. Neediness is not how its played
In my 20s and 30s I had a strange need. To have a lot of friends and belong to various circles. I didn’t appreciate a smaller circle. What’s more, I needed constant validation from the opposite sex. More signs of neediness? I would adjust my schedule so I could show up for all the parties. Missing one felt like I was being side-lined. A friend delaying their reply to my message meant they didn’t care anymore. I wasn’t able to distinguish between friends and mere acquaintances. I hung out with them all at THEIR time at a place THEY liked. Now I find it mentally exhausting to even think about my neediness.
The fancy term is FOMO. We all need validation from others once in a while. If it becomes a habit it could be a sign you have an unhappy reality. Rather than making that big journey inward to know yourself better you are focused outward. Busy seeking approval which may never come. You may be hurt by a legitimate need of a friend or significant other for space and privacy. You don’t know healthy boundaries. I could go on and on. If this sounds like you, it may be a long and painful journey to know you and your boundaries. One worth every bit of the pain nevertheless.
4. Unhappy 1984 anyone?
When I was young I was proud to be called a workaholic. I would treat my body like a machine. I felt the need to work through illnesses & take work calls any time of the day. My holidays lapsed and I called it “work pressure”.
Much later I realised I wasn’t a workaholic. I was suffering from undiagnosed extreme anxiety disorder. My insecurity stemmed from the anxiety. The ‘workaholic’ badge was a trigger warning of an unhappy reality, not a feat. I am no longer that person.
How about you? Are you one of those proud of being on a treadmill? Slow down and read the warning signs if you are. Workaholism might mean a lack of love and respect for oneself.
5. The present is where the party is
The average individual starts life being self absorbed. As they grow so does their curiosity. A sense of preservation and emotional intelligence also develop with age. So they look around them, observe and interpret. They are mindful of their present moment. They are mindful of how they are perceived.
If you always live in the past or a fantasy future it may be a warning sign that you are unhappy with your present. Constant regrets of the past or anxiety for the future, will stress you out. A stressed mind absorbs less of the surroundings. Of course, not living mindfully may cost you opportunities and at the extreme be dangerous.
6. Anger management
This is a no brainer. As we age we understand the world is inhabited by imperfect people doing imperfect things. But reasonably good people. When imperfect people are faced with perplexing situations they may not always behave good. Often it is a flight or fight response, which they later regret. Others’ behavior sometimes angers us. Anger is a legitimate emotion. But if you are prone to getting angry often at trivial issues you may be living in an unhappy reality. Note: not all anger is bad anger. Anger infact helps us discover our values. In the past I was always angry when I saw people behave without Integrity. Much later I realised that Ethics & Integrity are my top values. Anger was just my trigger that they had been breached. You can channel your anger to discover more about yourself than settle a score with someone.
7. I am Superhero
The Indians movies had this superhero phenomenon for a long time. This guy who was great at all he did- fighting the baddies, romancing or simply winning. Now I wonder if that guy was unhappy with his reality.
Typically, when you cannot accept yourself you try to compensate supposed shortcomings. You may strive to be great at everything you do. You may also do this to score over those who have wronged you in the past. This need to be the best becomes an obsession. The need stems from a desire to prove you are good enough. This is unhealthy. The average happy person knows her strengths and weaknesses. She accepts both. She works on both. But only to curiously test her skills, not to settle scores.
The past two years have been stranger and stranger. For the World and for me. This was the time I discovered the great truth. People don’t change with age. They only become more of who they are. For lasting and good change, we need to go the active work. I worked to overcome my seven habits & love myself more. To let go, hard though it was, of some toxic friendships. I am no longer that person.
Now I help others who face the same issues. I will definitely be writing more about this — articles, e books and maybe a course. If this article resonates let me know in the comments what kind of unhappy reality you have faced. And how you have overcome it like a fighter!
