Real dirty secrets guide
The 3 reasons Dale Carnegie is not your model to wealth
Are You Making This Common Mistake Many Women Make?
Were you told to be a good girl growing up? That nice girl who doesn’t stay out late, listens to mommy & daddy. The girl who grows up to be a people pleaser. The one who does all the right things. Because didn’t mommy say that good girls have health, wealth, happiness & wisdom?
You adult so you want further validation that mommy was right.
You read “How to Win Friends And Influence People”.
Dale Carnegie is validation. He says you have to be nice to other adults if you like them or not. That’s the way to gain influence he says.
You are nice to people anyway. You never discovered your values so no worries there. Not to know if their values vibe but you don’t care either. A win-win. There’s more heart-warming stuff. Mr Carnegie wants you to sincerely appreciate others. Thank the heavens you don’t have high standards. Your BFF’s new boyfriend is probably a dork but she thinks he is Brad Pitt. According to Mr Carnegie you need to appreciate her weird taste in men. You also have to avoid criticism. So you don’t rebuke the friend who misses class, borrows your notes & then spills coffee on them. More great stuff?? You have to think of other people’s interest over your own. To do this, you skip class to cheer your sibling’s football game, never mind she is your arch- rival.
But you don’t do this for free now, you sneaky egg?
You hope the Universe will see your benevolence & grant your wishes in turn. In the meantime BFF is dumped by her man & starts to eye the boy she knows you have a crush on. Your friend’s spilt coffee has made your notes illegible & hampers your exam preps. Your sibling plots her next plan at one upmanship.
Dale Carnegie’s book HAS to be your key to success right? It has sold over 30 million copies worldwide. It cannot go wrong. Plus you checked all the boxes it said you should.
To boot, you have been taught to be a good woman.
So you wait for your due.
Life happens. You start at work. You get married & have kids of your own. They turn out to be ungrateful bastards. Things keep sucking at work. Your boss is Lord Voldemort from hell. They work you like an Egyptian slave & reward you like one too. More work when your load is done. Where is the good life Dale Carnegie promised? Hell, where is the wealth? Que Sera Sera my child.
Clearly “How To Win Friends And Influence People” has not been all it has promised. You followed it to the last letter. But you know it’s not the answer when your loan account is bigger than your investment account. Plus your salary gets wiped out in paying credit card bills. Where is the wealth you thought it would get you? Show me the money honey!
8 Reasons Why Good Women Struggle To Win Easy | by Zarine Swamy | Medium
I discovered a few wealth secrets not from ““How To Win Friends And Influence People”.
I happened to lunch with an earlier colleague now a successful CFO. One of the most successful non- assholes I know. He made a bold statement. “Get this Zee, “How To Win Friends & Influence People” is one of the biggest frauds of our century”. Wow! That was a bold statement!
Let me follow it up with what he said. The book works if you are a Corporate bozo hoping to get “teamwork” out of a few un co-operative bastards. Or if you have sales targets to meet. But people mistake it as a Bible to a good life which it is not. It will not get you the real goodies- wealth & success as an entrepreneur.
My former colleague went on to reveal dirty secrets. He says it works the same way for both genders. Yes women generally suck more than men at discounting Mr Carnegie’s book.
Here are the rules people who accumulate wealth actually follow:
Schmooze more for wealth (if you work in a Corporate)
Want to hear the truth naked & dirty? Corporate culture profits on a single premise- leverage. Business owners buy labour (from people like you) to mass produce. The cheaper the labour the more the profit. This means the more work they can extract from a single unit of labour (you), the more profits they make.
Here’s the fact amigo. Leverage means while they welcome your hard work they get stingy with the money. You will grow to a point with hard work, team work & prioritizing others’ interests. Post which you hit a wall. The pros do it different. They schmooze more at the top & don’t heed those down below. The foolproof way to get opportunities, money & connections for when they want to go solo.
To gain wealth- don’t do things for others
Smart alecs think of their interests first. Collaboration & team work aren’t high on their agenda. They trade these for time. Yes, they free up their time so they can be ready when opportunity strikes. They say ‘NO’ often & without regret. They offend sometimes with their ‘NO’ & give zero effs about it.
What do they actually do to earn more & build their wealth? They use the extra time available to side hustle. They might also build on skills they can use in future businesses.
The wealth biggie- Be highly disagreeable
Dale Carnegie wants you to be agreeable with everyone. Like the 18 year old in her prom dress vying for Beauty Queen title. What was that again? Miss Congeniality. But I highly doubt agreeable 18 year olds rule the world.
Wealthy, successful people have one surprising thing in common. They are highly disagreeable. Think Uncle Trump. Or Elon Mars Musk. You get the drift. You hate them intensely. But they got the goodies you can’t deny. Of course, patriarchy still rules. More men get by being disagreeable than women. But that doesn’t mean the rule doesn’t apply to women too.
Do the three rules sound nasty? That’s because they are. The bad news is that they work. The good news.
Thankfully there is an alternative. The solution is not to be an A hole.
Use your inner compass as a guide. There is this thing called Locus of Control. It’s what controls your actions, if you haven’t got the drift. When the LOC is external, it means you are guided by others. A version of Mr Carnegie’s ideal friendly person. If you manage to shift your LOC to internal however you are no longer guided by outside expectations. How do you do that? You listen to your voice of Integrity and get your Ethics meter high. Discover your values & start living by them. Then you can be a badass & bend society rules. Since you know the ones you bend don’t affect your ethics-o-metre your conscience is clear.
You learn to be okay with being disagreeable. Not because you are an A hole but because it goes against your moral compass. You get to be an Ethical Badass.
