Three Reasons Good Women Like to Shamelessly Chase
My bleeding heart has been torn time & again, and it was all my fault
Did you knowingly nod? Damn, you know the well-preserved secret women won’t kiss & tell! Most men assume only they do the chase. You are smart enough to know otherwise.
Or wait a minute, gasp! You are a good woman who chases! You are the female hunter. The one who likes the thrill of the pursuit.
Do we women chase for the same reason as men? We’ll come to that. But first. If you are a woman who finds herself at the wrong end of the chase time & again, worrisome news. Maybe you already know this. Political correctness be damned, I’m gonna serve it straight to you sister.
You like to chase men who treat you like a rag doll don’t you? In other words, abuse & discard. Ouch!
It gets worse. The worst punch is to your ego. It lands when the man you chase starts to avoid you like the plague. Or like you have a rare strain of stepbrother Covid.
Coming back to the question. What makes otherwise good, sane women walk that fine line between safe & dangerous with men? Turns out there are three reasons you may like to chase.
1. You want what you can’t have
Remember the cute guy you were besotted by, who looked right through you in the school hallway? Or the one you thought would definitely ask you to the prom. Turns out he wanted his first & last dance with the pretty long-haired girl. How about the one who kept you up all night with a promise to call, but never did? Wasn’t he the worst? His promises were as empty as your bleating desolate heart. You have been his shoulder to lean on time & again. But when it’s your turn, he does the no-show.
This is the kind of man you have always chased haven’t you? He is your weakness, your shot of sinful heaven & heartbreak hell. He is every good woman’s fantasy. Why?
Humans as a species are wired to be suckers for danger. Men find it in adventures & thrills. A disproportionate number of good women live straightforward, boring lives. They find their danger through coveting unattainable men. The more despicable the man’s behavior, the more the thrill in chasing him. He becomes a prize till won.
Street smart girls know those wild lotharios can never be tamed. The good woman dreams on.
A woman leading the chase may sound pathetic to some, but it is only heart-wrenchingly sad.
If you want to quit chasing men who don’t dig you back, this knowledge may help you cut the chase. Chances are that men who treat women wrong will be failures at love themselves. A decade later you might see him hiding a failed relationship & a pot belly under his belt. He may vainly try to relive his glory days. But the truth doesn’t change. He is a loser you are better off keeping away from.
2. The chase becomes an addiction
My first crush was an ass. He gave me the vibes and then promptly started to date another. I was a naïve good girl who spent hours weeping over him. I swore never to look a man in the eye again. This was the intensity of my heartbreak. A month later I was back chasing another bad boy. My love story was an incomplete sentence. I had to finish it, albeit with another object of affection. Needless to say, it was my second heartbreak.
First love is a unique feeling. It is also a foolish feeling. It needs feeding. If you are unable to get a man you chase another to prove a point. The emotion is so intense, that every chase feels like the first one. This process of knowingly inflicting pain on yourself becomes an addiction. Picture an alcoholic doing drunk cartwheels near the local pub. It sounds funny? It wouldn’t if you knew that he is a sane man driven crazy by his addiction. A woman who likes the chase is similar.
Like an addict, you tell yourself this will be the last poison. Tomorrow will be another day. But you love the drama that gets you out of your boring goody two feet life. So tomorrow never comes.
Treat your chases like an addiction you have to get rid of. They do no good for your sense of self. They might keep you away from finding actual love. Not to mention the colossal waste of time due to making a man the center of your World.
Get help if you must.
3. You are looking for validation
We love that feeling we get when we rise in love. Our fragile egos get a boost. But hold on. Why do you fall for those who are unavailable or treat you wrong? Admit it. You are hoping they come around & see what a wonderful person you actually are.
Here’s news amigo, that ain’t gonna happen. You are chasing those who have little time or interest in you. All you are doing is repel them like the skunk does the fox. More bad news. When you chase you are looking for validation. You need their acceptance or your self-worth does a nose-dive. This could mean you don’t love, accept & respect yourself enough. Now pause to reflect if the chase is worthwhile. Wouldn’t you rather work out your own issues?
Falling in love is a wonderful thing. Falling in love with the wrong kind of people over & over sucks. You feel like a truck has gone over your chest full speed. That’s how much it hurts when your heart gets broken. And it will.
Stop you from giving yourself away so easily. There are other things that make life wonderful. It may not seem like it now. But there are, trust me. Not falling for the wrong kind of love is the best way you will find the right kind.
An interesting read for you. How you feel about yourself is a reflection of who you attract into your life. (Courtesy Jennifer Pitts, Medium Why Men Chase Other Women, They Don’t Belong to You | by Jennifer Pitts | Beloved | Medium)
If you chase & lose the race, stop to listen. The Universe speaks, you only have to be mindful to hear. It’s a call. To love yourself more & detach from underserving others.
