Beginning to see the light
So as I write this, I can actually start to look to the end of what has nearly been a 3 month process and it feels fantastic. Chemothreapy cycle take 21 days, I am day 12.
One of the constants since getting out of chemo, has been able to do a lot of stuff with my parents, and having my family there to keep me grounded. This is especially at a time when my schedule outside of that has been pretty lax. For example me and my mum have been able to go for walks around the local area, we went to mcdonalds which was a first for my mum in about 25 years.
So when I talk of my family and Alicia keeping me grounded, during what I am sure you can appreciate is a difficult time for me what exactly do I mean. One of the daily routines round the dinner table, is just checking how your hair is going. I think the fact my health as such not deteriorating help keeps us laughing. However one of the frustrating part of being around your family so long, is that its difficult for your family to not think of you as permanently ill. When trying to organise things that takes place in a month and your mum is just warning you to be cautious that can be annoying.
Now from a more humours aspect there have been a few incidences. If I asked you to guess, what was the moment when you felt your childhood die, I suspect you might think it was when I was told I had cancer. Or another life changing situation. No for me it was when my mum made clear, that my family expected me to contribute on a weekly basis to the food budget, once I move back in in September start my masters etc. Now I am not going to pretend I am not expensive.
Just to mention my dad and brother have also contributed to many jokes about my hairs, how almost annoying it was I didn’t seem to be iller as they has expected worse. One of the most difficult things for me, has been the fact I have not been able to exercise for a very long time, so I am not in the best shape. Mention this difficult thing I am going through to my family and my girlfriend, comments about my weight are what follows.
One of the most moving things that I have had the opportunity to watch this week was a documentary on the BBC about cancer I think called the Big C and me. It followed the story of three different people, as they went through there very different treatment process.
Watching it with my mum, I think was quite useful because unsurprisingly I was able to relate to what they where going through. It was a lot easier to try and explain to my mum, about the things like the conversations you have with yourself get a lot more morbid when you have a headache especially.
However one of the most emotional moments of the piece, was following the family of the women who died, after her body was not able to defend its self from a bone marrow transplant. Her treatment had taken a very long period, and you could see in her face the toll it had taken but also how much she was looking forward to it being over.
Now I am very aware of that my reality and my perceptions are two very different. However the concept of mortality is something I had to accept because that’s what cancer in my head was associated with. But the other thing which really affected me about her story, was the fact I have been able to meet many people who like her believed their treatment was coming to an end. People who have known nothing but a hospital for 10 months, and to see her die really hit me.
Thank you to arran, also a family friend of mine is raising money for the Orchid charity which I am an ambassador. Would be great if we can get her to her target and beyond to help fight male cancer in all its forms. https://www.justgiving.com/fundraising/Lesley-Byrne-1773?fb_ref=Default