Boredom

So since coming out of hospital, and getting a little bit more adjusted to normal life, the days this might surprise you hasn’t exactly follow by. As a result this is not going to be a very long piece, as to put it simply haven’t really got to talk about.

Currently, just making it through every day remembering to take my drugs, checking my temperature trying to make the hours pass by until I get back into my bed at the end of the night is an achievement.

I also want to explain and give some idea of what exactly the physical feeling that comes with chemotherapy. Thankfully as time goes by, the feeling that I was previously used to of still having the drugs pumping around my vains has gone.

It has just been replaced, and apparently will get worse, is just tiredness, aches, pains and just accepting that basic movement eating etc just takes a lot longer. A mouthful taking between 20 to 30 seconds can be depressing, but am just trying to focus on the short term nature of it more than the frustration of my inability.

That being said, one of the weirdest things that I have tried to fill my time, is that now that now I am a “survivor”. Exactly what charity should I be doing marathons/ runs for. Never thought I would be writing that in a blog but hey unquie life experiences right.

One of the most difficult things that I have had to deal with, but also get used to is as my video I hope got across a complete lack of interest or motivation in anything. It’s quite difficult when I have things to do, but the concentration required is something I just don’t have at the moment. Being a dyslexic, it can be hard enough to look at an essay plan you wrote weeks ago and try make sure things make sense in your head. So having what has been termed “chemo” brain, is kind of just rubbing it in.

Thankfully though as this piece evidence, I have good moments and it is important to try and take advantage of those moments to try and get on step closer to completing my degree etc. Whilst I am sure no one would judge me etc, for just taking time off during this period doesn’t really work for me.

The bank holiday weekend, pretty much came and went for me.

Finton came home Friday from uni and it was strange trying to answer the simple question everyone friends, close family friends who I am meeting at the moment, “how was chemo?”. Was great to catch up with him and talk about how things have been with him, as I and unfortunately my parents have been rapped up with me in the last couple of weeks.

Unfortunately as I said previously I probably will never be able to explain it to others, but I have to make sure that I take whatever insight I feel like I have gained going forward.

Originally when I planned and agreed to this chemo, was that I wanted to do this in Belfast mainly to counter act with the boredom that I am now facing by being in Belfast what with having some kind of a life there. Something I don’t really have in Birmingham as for the last two a bit years this has not been home.

Unsurprisingly, looking back now and with how I know I am going to be feeling in the next couple of days. Putting the responsibility for my health etc on my girlfriend would have probably been a disaster, if something had or goes wrong. Mainly because I could get a temperature, have a random reaction at any point which could be life threatening.

That being said, I think me and my mum will both agree whilst the time we are spending together is lovely that we are looking forward to getting sometime apart, where I don’t need to be watched.

Quick thank you for the Dosters for coming round and joe for continuing to be someone who has made themselves available to me. Can’t repay you enough man Also massive thank you to Leslie for all of her work raising money for Orchid.

Also to all of my Queens friends who have finished, and will be sitting what would have been my last ever exam today, well done and hope to see many of you when I am back in town.

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