
Why We Shouldn’t Give-up On Meditating?
Over some matcha tea, a friend and I spoke at length about her journey through the process of meditation. On the patio of our favorite, summer coffee shop, we discussed her disheartening experiences and setbacks. Natasha*, a well-dressed chiropractor, promoted a zen lifestyle and natural methods of healing, yet never extended the kindness she gave to others to herself. She pulled back her tortoise-shell glasses and explained.
“I wanted to meditate last night, but I argued with my husband. I try to meditate in the evenings, but I felt my entire energy encompassed in this anger,” she sighed.
To make matters worse, the only meditation space she kept for herself was a spot cleared out in the master bedroom. The cramped apartment did not give her space to physically remove herself from her source of conflict, her husband. She relayed that she purchased a diffuser with a citrus blend known for boosting energy and alleviating anxiety. Yet, she felt pissed off at the whole world.
“My mind and heart felt blank,” she continued, “I tried to accept the blankness and let it pass. I abandoned the twenty-minute session I do every evening. There was no use! What am I supposed to do if meditation no longer works for me?”
I contemplated her words. Often, my own emotions dominate my spectrum and distract me, making exercises in peace difficult for a racing mind.
“Well, a yogi told me, ‘Look at each emotion as if it were a waterfall. You see the anger and let it pass.’ It sounds like you heard the same advice, but you grew too frustrated. You didn’t complete your routine because your husband was probably around — “
“I could hear him banging pans in the kitchen to make a snack.”
I reminded Natasha that she needed to give herself a chance. Her source of anger was still within her hearing range, and a guided app with music was suitable in that case. She needed to mentally distance herself from the conflict.
“Maybe, if I followed those steps, I could have let go of the anger,” she replied. “I know it’s a secondary emotion, one of choice. I know it masks hurt. I know music and calm guidance could have given me the courage to examine the pain at the root of the problem. If I had felt more comfortable or been in a better setting, maybe I could have noticed those other strands of thought and feeling. But, being quick to anger is still present within me. I’ve been doing meditation for months without improvement.”
I leaned back and examined the people on the street. The girls in their summer dresses. The kids on their bikes. The constant opening and shutting of car doors. All of those people were out there, being. They simply were existing.
‘Why do we meditate,’ I asked myself.
Then, I thought of the scene below, why do we go places? Why do we ride bikes? Even after enormous heartbreak, we dress ourselves and present our faces to the world. Just because. That’s living.
“I don’t know the answer to your question, but I feel as though you shouldn’t quit meditating. When you were angry, did you still remember to brush your teeth that evening?”
“Well, of course,” she laughed.
“See, it’s such a part of your routine that it’s an automatic. You brush your teeth because it’s preventative and helps you in good health. Your parents taught you that growing up,” I furrowed my brow, “I can’t say this is the correct answer because that would be as if I possessed knowledge of something subjective to you, but meditation is good for your emotional health. Stress manifests itself in physical symptoms. Your heart has an impact on your health….”
Natasha surveyed the same colorful display on the plaza. She looked at all those figures in motion. She stood up gracefully and remarked, “Well, hours compose my life. Spending 20 minutes meditating is better for my blood pressure than screaming at my husband. I’m using the restroom”
I watched her step back in the store. I started wondering about how many hours in one’s life can be dedicated to peace. What percentage of one’s life could be devoted to that? If existence was unhappiness, what about the moments of mental freedom and calm? If she could only see how those could be tabulated, in a way, and she could be more well-rounded from the effort. She needed to meditate because she still needed hope.
Be happy,
