Trail Map

Alternating between writing and reflection, I’m learning what’s most useful to write. I’ve walked respectfully through fear, tread warily through inspiration, and waited in doubt. The unexpected results of this process are spiritual ideas and experiences expressed as exercises that aim to shift our perspective. I’ve made a tentative list of exercises at the bottom. Below are reflections from my experience on the spiritual path, to give better context for what’s coming.

The bad news

The bad news is the path is hard work. Mastering any of these exercises is a formidable challenge. It is said of the spiritual path, “Better not to begin. Once begun, better to finish.” Persistence on the steep slope requires an acute understanding of our own suffering. Walking on our sensitive bare feet, we contact our most painful feelings and sensations. It’s best to proceed slowly, with compassion for our defenses, as we threaten our deepest held identities and truths. It’s exactly like the red pill in “The Matrix”. I cannot recommend it to anyone. However, once cracks begin to appear in our comfortable reality, there’s no turning back. We are pulled inexorably towards finding answers.

The good news

The good news is that there are fruits along the way. In the past few years, I’ve described myself as “More out of control inside, more in control outside.” It’s true that I have a deeper sensitivity to the violent feelings inside myself, which can be difficult. Yet I have experienced a greater freedom from these feelings. I’ve found an ability to act with integrity, quite independent of what I’m feeling or thinking. And the spiritual path isn’t only hard. For me there have been wonderful moments of bliss, insight, inspiration, curiosity, community and laughter. Although my confidence can waver, I often have the sense that I’m working on what’s most meaningful to me.

I’m on the way myself

It’s important for you to understand that although I believe there is an end, I have not found it yet. I have merely found these exercises useful paths to walk, and by walking them I’ve felt increasing peace, freedom, and integrity. In my travels, I’ve met near-masters of these paths. They have given me inspiration to continue. As with all exercises, faith powers the first step. If the first step yields fruit, there is confidence to take the next step. We must generate our own energy for each step, mixing faith and empirical confidence.

Take what’s useful

These exercises represent elements of my non-linear path and thought process. I’m not trying to create a new 10-step program that will guarantee liberation in 90 days. I’m convinced that there is no such system, having searched for decades. While Buddhism offers the best system I know of, it states no timeline or objective metric of progress, and leaves ample room for interpretation and personalization. To say this another way, my words are constrained by my cultures, experiences, mind and body. The obstacles I encountered may or may not be yours. I share them in case my obstacles or the process by which I approach them resonate with you.

You’ll have to give it up anyway

All spiritual tools have temporary usefulness. In the parable of the raft, Buddha describes a man trapped on one side of a river. Using twigs, dirt, and vines, he builds a raft strong enough to cross. Buddha asks his monks if they thought he should carry the boat onward on his land journey. They say no. In a teaching style often found in the Pali Canon, he repeats and inverts the question, “Would it be sensible for the man to leave the boat on the shore?” They say yes. Buddha says, “So it is with my teachings, which are like a raft, and are for crossing over with — not for seizing hold of.” Keep this in mind for whatever spiritual practices you take on. Just like a raft, spiritual practices are useful for some time, after which they are a weighty attachment much better released. In the end, there will be no practices left — only liberation.

What’s coming

Here’s a tentative list of coming posts on spiritual exercises, in order of decreasing certainty:

• Rest Now — what’s essential about meditation
• Prefer Now — understanding obstacles to presence
• Give Up Knowing — leaving conflict and identity
• Become Invincible — defining an approachable fearlessness
• Dissolve Despair — letting go of cynicism
• Find Purpose — inviting our true nature
• Learn from Desire — grow desire and awareness simultaneously
• Find Self — asking “Who Am I?”
• Heal Sensitively
• Give Up Control
• Reduce Action
• Love Fearlessly

Feedback

Are there particular questions you’d like me to consider and write about? Let me know! Also, I’d be grateful for volunteers to edit and review my upcoming posts. Write me if you want to help the birthing process.