Short Journal #03 — Uh. Feeling, am I right?

Disclaimer: I’m days deep in my PMS, and my feelings are leaking and showing. I will laugh at this writing once I reach the post-menstrual stage where I’m back to ‘not this melancholy’ again. But until then, I just want to be honest and let this mellow thoughts out loud.

To this day, when I listen to my favourite song, or when I zoned out after trying my best to distract my self; I still think about the way you tilt your head when you talk, the way you fold your hand under your chin, and the way your eyes turned into slanted curve every time you smile.

But at the same time I get sadder and sadder; knowing this is just another unrequited scene. So I did what I do best– just tantalised in silence. Knowing it won’t end up somewhere.

I just got back meeting my friends. My best friend just landed in this country yesterday, I haven’t see her for a year. She moved to a country next to yours. I’ve missed her; and when I saw her, it felt like just not so long ago I met her. The concept of time wasn’t really exist, for all I know, she’s my best friend and she’s often there when I talk to her.

What about you? Do you have a long-distance best friend too? Did you meet her or him in the past months? And how’s your day? And what kind of coffee that you like? If you ever had a pet, or what kind of animal you love? And what’s your favorite color, is it white? Or what you do when it is raining outside?

Did you ever focus on one water drop on the window and following the flow until it reaches the bottom of the rail?

Just curious, that’s all.

Sometimes you met a person in an usual way, and that impression last stronger. And somewhat, you have this urge to just sit in a nice cafe with coffee in your hand, listen to everything what this person says.

But then again, I am like this. And this is just another unrequited scene. I spend my days wondering about you. And you probably wondering about important things in the world.

Maybe if I am not like this- things will be different. Maybe I can run for a jiffy in your mind, crossing a little bit. But I am like this, and this is my reality. So I think, I just going to crush in silence until times pass.

Huh. My life is pretty much ‘falling in love with people I’ll never had the chance with’. Maybe I should add that one in skills section on my resumé.