This too shall pass
Remember that episode in Grey’s Anatomy where everyone had to deal with George’s death? That was my first intro to the five stages of grief and it fascinated me. Not only because the concept felt relate-able, but because for the first time, an emotion as raw and uncontrollable as grief was sketched out in a traceable pattern. I learned later that it was called the Kubler-Ross model. While there have been questions about the clinical trials, the patterns are found to be commonly present in majority cases.
Quick description of it as a refresher for the reader (in case you are one of those few who have managed to escape the epic addiction of a series by Shonda Rhymes)- the Kubler-Ross model states the progression of emotional stages of grief. The Swiss American psychiatrist Elizabeth Kubler-Ross presented the model in her book called “On death and dying”, based on her observation during her time with terminally ill patients, but later included personal loss. According to the model, upon the discovery of an unexpectedly disheartening news, an individual experiences five stages of grief, consequentially as follows:
Denial: The initial shock of the news is hard to digest. In this first stage, individual refuses to believe what he hears and looks for possible alternate explanation to prove the news is false.
Anger: This doesn’t necessarily mean switching on the Hulk mode, once the individual realizes denial is futile. People in this stage, rather try to find a reason as to why such calamity would befall them? If they deserved it to begin with, if it was fair on them etc.
Bargaining: In the third stage, individual attempts to negotiate to limit the cause of grief. For terminally ill patient, its asking God for extended timeline to witness child’s marriage for example. For those in mourning, its usually about finding ways to bring back memories.
Depression: Not necessarily the absolute stage of clinical depression, but in this phase usually, an individual is more in the state of giving up, having lost all hope. This is where sadness truly strikes, gathering its entire might, and this is where strength and resolve are tested the most.
Acceptance: In the last stage, the slow but steady acceptance starts to take shape in the mind. Individual realizes that while nothing can be changed now, life as it is, must still go on.

Although, it doesn’t always follow fixed exclusive time for each stages, the concept of this emotional progression is so simple, that when we first get it know about it, we realize “oh yeah, that’s how it happens.” So the question is, why would I waste my time typing out what you can obviously read in Wikipedia and don’t really have much use of, apart from tickling the curiosity bug in you? That’s because recently, a personal tragedy to someone close to me made me realize how our neglect of grief, makes us neglectful of those around us. We know that we don’t have to process sadness unless something sad actually happens. Being human, we fall into the regular lull of predictability of life wherein uncertain disasters don’t usually reveal themselves.
However, the truth is, even knowing in which directions your emotions will flow, won’t necessarily help you much in times of disasters. But it does help you understand those who are going through tough times. When your family members go through such grief, it is not just generous but utterly crucial, that you try to comprehend how to support them. Too often we lose the people we love, because of our own inability to understand them. Forcing someone going through a bad phase to live life normally, destroys the fueling optimism to deal with grueling circumstances.
Quiet often, we hear that those trying to be supportive end up saying things like- “you have seen worse, this will pass”, “it had to happen after all”, “I have had worse/I heard of someone who went through situations worse than you”. All of these and more, are just horrible rephrasing of “get over it”, and we all know, how disgustingly futile those words truly are. And yet somehow, all around us, people have a tendency to believe that since worse could have befallen, the bad in present doesn’t require attention. This is where, we all perhaps need to work on. When you talk to someone trying to overcome the grief, try to first comprehend what stage he/she may be going through, usually evident from the choice of words. The closer they are to the later stages, the more time and patience they will need from you in the form of support.
Incorporating changes in corporations
It is important to note that, these stages aren’t all finite and fixed in their sequence or section of time allocated. In fact, often they overlap. Sometimes individuals may even skip through some stages to jump straight to depression or acceptance. Either way, knowing that these stages do exist, help us comprehend people’s responses better to provide more holistic support, and this very philosophy is where the change management model hinges on.
So how do you bring a model of psychology that deals with grief management into business management strategy?(because really, crazy cross-field analysis is the new sexy). Think of a company which wants to bring forth digital monitoring of individual productivity. Or perhaps the leader you have always relied on, leaves for a better offer, while someone you barely know gets his position. Or perhaps a sudden merger that no one foresaw, happens overnight. In cases like this, you, as a typical employee/ manager, have to digest, absorb and mold yourself and your team to prepare the upcoming change. This is where Kubler-Ross may help.
The Kubler-Ross Change curve brings forth the application with changes in morale or productivity of employees plotted against time. The graph below (taken from https://www.cleverism.com/understanding-kubler-ross-change-curve/), sketches out change in morale (linked to productivity) over time.

Let’s take a case of sudden change in management body. Following the initial shock of the news, the general productivity sees a slight rise as there is an overall disbelief existent throughout, and people will focus on work to perhaps avoid the upcoming change, or look for proofs that it is actually not happening.
Once some time have passed, and the denial has been shredded, considerable frustration arises through out, that hampers productivity. employees look for people to blame around them. Gossip mill runs at full speed. Morale reaches an all time low in the following stage of depression. This is when the sudden confusion and lack of familiarity and faith in new management starts to show negative impact. But this doesn’t necessarily last long- in particular if new management is active. Usually a group of adaptive people willing to be involved and actively participate in the new situation will begin to experiment.
Capable managers influence and create the space for teams to experiment a lot.
Over time, moral and competence of the team generally rises, as experimentation brings forth the necessary newness. With adaptability being less of an issue, the employees learn to function under new management. They discover that may be things aren’t all bad and the general morale climbs upward. Integration with the new system becomes easier at that point.
For corporation, change is the only tool to rely on for survival in current global race. To effectively lead a team in times of drastic changes, require extensive understanding of what the employees go through. To handhold their transition in times of digital automation means understanding why frustration may exist, or why they refuse to accept the new system. For a capable team leader, the challenge is to ensure that everyone is guided through the phase of shock smoothly enough to reach stages of experimentation and integration. The even bigger challenge is not lose patience while productivity sees slump and reluctance runs high in the initial stages. To do so, only motivational words don’t work. Rather being more hands on at work, providing a safe space where team members can discuss freely, integrating them by giving them scopes to try out new things and experiments.
Whether we are managing teams in times of shock, or undergoing one all by ourselves, the comfort we seek, rarely shows a miraculous entry. In fact, more often than not, we are left alone to deal with the mess in our head and lift up the burden in our heart. In organizations, we rely on well formed internal networks that makes us realize we aren’t alone in our reactions. In personal lives, we realize that the cloud of grief that engulfs us, will end one day. Either way, knowing the phases we might be going through builds a structure to shelve the confusion. While we attempt to support those around us or our team or own self in dealing with change, the best bet is to locate and comprehend the emotional disarray as we wait patiently for time to heal us.
After all, mystery aids misery, while knowledge empowers.
