How Do I Know If She Likes Me?

How do I text her back? Am I doing too much? How often am I meant to talk to her in a day?

I get a lot of questions like these from my close male friends. It stumps them completely. They appear to succeed in other areas of their life: family, career, friends, but strangely falter when it comes to navigating the opposite sex.

I notice I keep repeating the same advice. They turn to me to get lay of the peculiar female mind, as well as to understand why our gender is so damn hard to read. There’s a pattern. Most of this falls on the man feeling inadequate and unsure of how they should act.

But as you will soon learn, there is no need to be.

I like her… I think?

Okay, this is a question I get asked by my guy friends a lot.

Let’s break it down:

Do you like her for who she is, or just who you think she is? There is a HUGE difference between who she actually is, and the idea of her. Whenever I make this distinction to my friends, they hesitate and rethink.

“There’s a huge difference between feeling “butterflies” for someone and really liking them for who they are as a person. Let me ask you again, Do you even know them?”

If I had a dollar for every time I shared that question to a friend, and they had to think hard, I’m sure I wouldn’t be writing to make money (lol, jokes I enjoy writing and sharing the love).

I know I have been guilty of this too, liking someone who I thought was what I wanted. We tend to place them on the pedestal, don our rose-coloured glasses and forget to see who they really are as a person.

We ignore their flaws and negative qualities, and instead pine over how amazing, gifted and godlike they are.

One time I had a dude friend tell me that he was fed up with his girlfriend of three years. She never paid for any of their dinners (he footed the bill each and every time). She made him feel guilty for things that wasn’t his fault (she had a knack for shifting responsibility away from herself), and she made him drive 45 minutes to her house in the middle of the night to kill a damn spider (obviously petrified of arachnids).

Despite the complaints, he wanted to be with her, and continued to stay in the relationship despite hurting. His only outlet was to vent to his friends.

“I still like her,” he’d tell me. “I love her and I want to be with her — despite all these arguments.”

Sounds pitiful, does it?

Well don’t sneer because it happens to even the best of us.

Learn to seperate who they really are as a person from who you think they are.

This means taking off those rose-coloured glasses and getting real. What are their true qualities: The good AND the bad? She may have a to-die-for smile, a cute slur to her words and an amazing ability at laughing at your lame dad jokes. But is she bull-shitting so much her stories don’t add up? Or is she asking you to do things outside of your comfort zone and mixing with a crowd that’s not your cup of tea?

Learn to see the whole picture.

A person will have multiple facets — failing to see all sides of the die risks your emotional and mental state in any relationship.

So ask yourself: Do I like her, or the idea of her?

How Do I Know if She Likes me?

Dude, this one is simple. If she likes you, She. Will. Tell. You.

She will not beat around the bush, or leave you hanging for 6 months umming and ahhing, “Um, maybe yes, but give it time, maybe soon but not now, but definitely soon.”

Yes, we women can be known for being shy, and may not be as direct as we should be in comparison to our male equivalent. However, a confident woman who knows what she wants won’t waste her time — or yours. If she likes you, she’ll let you know.

This applies regardless if you’re asking her out, or seeing if she’s interested in seeing you further, and generally just confirming if you’re both on the same page.

If she’s keeping you in the dark, it’s not a good sign.

Do you text her and it takes her days to respond? Only to then say, “Oh, sorry I was busy”? Or do you ask her out a week in advance and she says, “Hey probably not, I want to keep that day free for other plans,” that is NOT a sign of someone who values you and your time (trust me these are real life examples).

If she likes you, she will return your text and call. If she likes you, she will come to the event you invited her to. If you show her effort, she will return it (if she likes you).

Hope and optimism is a good thing — but constantly staying the course with no return on your investments will do you no favours.

Don’t get into the self-deprecating behaviour of bending over for every beck and call.

Remember that your time and value should never compromised by someone who is not willing to invest as much as you do.

If she likes you, she will let you know.

Am I good enough for her?

I’ve seen a lot of guys self-sacrifice a lot for the girl they like. They don’t stand their ground or stand up for themselves. This gives the girl the perspective that this guy can be messed with — that they will do whatever she says without a hint of objection.

Girls will easily learn to take advantage of the weak-willed guy, wrapping him around her pinky finger. A woman may not — but nor would she want someone who doesn’t stand up for his own values.

So why do guys let this happen?

Everyone probably grew up with a fucked up childhood (more on this later).

Perhaps he grew up feeling inadequate and inferior to those around him. He learned to people-please as a way to get by and accepted in life. He doesn’t get angry or upset and avoids arguments, and instead is self-serving — willing to bend over and lift others up at the expense of his own happiness. At times he may not even realise what he’s doing. He may not even realise that his actions are self-deprecating. But when a woman sees this, she sees someone who isn’t their own person, and isn’t confident in who they are.

But we are all inherently flawed and fucked up on the inside. There’s nothing wrong with that, and we shouldn’t have to hide it.

To feel that you’re not good enough for someone because you’re afraid of judgement and criticism is a disservice to who you are. To hide those flaws and show only the “best” version of you is being dishonest to your values.

You won’t be able to keep up the facade — but then again why should you?

We often need reminding it’s okay to be just as you are — you shouldn’t need to hide it from someone, or pretend you’re someone you’re not. This will take time to master, and probably a task to set yourself before you begin a relationship with someone else.

I suppose we can all learn a bit from our friends and their relationship mishaps. I know I have my fair share of toxic partners, insecure moments and questionable actions. But the key takeaway here is to be comfortable with who you are, and brave to share that with the world.