Ringtones
As I sit here in the coffee shop, taking advantage of academic break, when I can actually get a table, I’m going to make a subjective, totally fact-free observation. With all the technology sounds available to smart phones, the majority of users use the “old fashioned telephone” as their ringtone. Just now as I was skimming the paper, procrastinating about what to write, someone’s phone rang. There were nine people in the shop, including me, and when the phone rang with its “old fashioned telephone” ring, everyone, including me, stopped and checked our phones to see if it was ours. I’ve noticed this phenomenon before in different places; for example, I saw it happen quite a few times on golf courses, during my tragic “I’ll try golf! It’ll be fun!”phase. (Nota bene: don’t try golf; it’s not fun, especially if you’re as bit a spaz as I am.)
So, besides enjoying this fleeting time at my favorite coffee shop before the little bastards come back from winter break and hog all the tables and harsh my mellow, I’m wondering why so many people choose this as their ringtone. There’s practically an unlimited selection of ringtones to choose from. One of the coolest ones I’ve ever heard was the “Timmeh!”ringtone, at one time downloadable from the South Park Industrial Complex website (it may be offensive to some; google at your own risk.) I’ve heard Rush songs used as ringtones (and yes, I’m the only female in the universe who would immediately recognize a Rush ringtone.)
Could it be because — gross over-generalization here — electronic tones SUCK as ringtones? Electronic music, art created specifically for electronic instruments, is wonderful (full disclosure: my sig othr is a producer for Neuma Records, a tiny label lovingly dedicated to electro-acoustic music.) But those shrill, beepy electronic ringtones really annoy me, and I suspect everyone else, too. I can barely stand the electronic ring of my landline, let alone having something like that in my pocket all the time.
So I don’t believe that so many people choose the “old fashioned telephone” ringtone out of nostalgia. Of the nine people in the coffee shop who immediately went for their phones when one of our phones started ringing, eight of the little bastards are so young that they’ve never even seen a rotary phone. I’m the ninth, who is old enough to have seen, held, and used one. Now, and I’m serious here, if someone could only invent a tactile feature on cell phones, that would make the touch-screen dialing feel as wonderful and satisfying and dialing a rotary phone felt. For those of you who have no idea of what I’m talking about, seek out a rotary phone (your grandparents’ attic, a property department at a theater, etc.), and use the dial. Pretend you’re dialing your best friend (pretend you actually know your best friend’s number, thanks to speed-dialing), and feel that sensation. There’s something very satisfying about it. Even better, if you can find a kitchen rotary phone with a really long cord (think Napoleon Dynamite’s kitchen phone), dial your best friend’s number, then take the phone with you (running) to a secret spot, like a closet, where you can talk privately. Pretend you’re in high school. There’s nothing like it.
Generally speaking, I don’t look back nostalgically and convince myself that “things were better back when,” but I do find the experience of owning a cell phone to be disruptive, and maybe not such a hot idea, at least the way they are used today. Because I’m old enough to have used a rotary phone with a long cord, I know that sometimes not being available by phone can be a very good thing. At the coffee shop, when the cell phone rang and everyone including me went to our phones to see if it was for us, my cell phone wasn’t even on. Shocking, I know. But, sometimes, I still like to be not available by phone.
Since it’s not nostalgia for old phones since the other young ‘uns never used them, then what is it about the popular selection of “old fashioned ringtone” for calls? Based on my fact-free observation, maybe it could be our hive-mind giving the finger to technology? That’s not the same thing as nostalgia. For myself, my cell phone is a necessary annoyance. That doesn’t mean the I have to like it. I don’t want such an intrusive item in my life to be annoying, or cute or too representative of the non-annoying parts of my life (I’m a musician), and definitely don’t want music I enjoy to be my ringtone. That would make it trite. The “old fashioned telephone” ringtone is completely benign.
Or is it fashionably hip? If that’s the case, then I am unbelievably hip, as I sit here in the coffee shop and write this in a notebook with a pen, instead of a laptop. Or maybe I should sit here with a manual typewriter, or has that already been done? (Full disclosure: I am not in any way hip.) I’m not an expert, but I don’t think it’s because the “old fashioned telephone” ringtone is fashionably hip, either.
Since this essay is an established fact-free zone, I’m going to speculate that the “old fashioned telephone” ringtone is a strong enough sound to alert, but not be unpleasant. It sounds right to multiple generations, for whatever reason. Anti-climactic, I acknowledge, but unless some lab comes up with a scientific study (if they haven’t already — I was too lazy to google it), that’s what I’m going with.