I played Disney songs on a plastic record player with yellow, red, orange and blue neon colors on it. It was manufactured by Fisher Price. I even played records in Kindergarten. That was what we did. We took scratched Disney records and played them. During nap time the teacher played them. My favorite was Peter and the Wolf. Hands down a masterpiece. That narrator talking funny like a woman? What was his name? Oh well. I’m too lazy to google it. During nap time the teachers or college kids or teacher aids or whatever you called people who worked in elementary school, they used to scratch our backs. It was great when that one lady did it. I was in love with her, but I was five so I never told her. Then there were other teacher aids who used their nails or were too gentle. Scratching elementary school kids backs during nap time! I’m not making this up. Then there was the time I tried fried chicken. My best friend and my brother were eating fried chicken. I didn’t. They thought I was crazy. Then I finally ate it at home one night and I never looked back. That kid that ate dirt. You just looked at him and thought, “What’s wrong with that kid? He’s eating dirt!” They’d pull you out of class for a hearing test. That hearing test was cool. It was like you were on a BBC set for that old 60s show The Prisoner.

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I would fail that test if they gave it to me now. The best part about being that age was leaving kindergarten for the day and going home to watch afternoon cartoons on stations like fox or wpix 11. That was the best; GI Joe, Transformers, Voltron. Then my brother and I would play “Crossbows and Catapults,” the game where you build a castle/fort only to knock it down with plastic crossbows and catapults. Hands down the best board game ever invented.

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