UW Ad Club Emails

On April 10, 2012, I spoke to the University of Wisconsin Ad Club. In hopes of getting a better handle on what students wanted to hear from me, or what questions they might want answers to, I requested than an email be sent out to the group in advance to better gauge their expectations.

Unfortunately nobody responded, so I took it upon myself to email each of the 60 or so members individually. Having access to only their email addresses, I had to make educated guesses as to what their actual names were. The following are my personal favorites.

It’s important to note that still, after reaching out to each member individually, nobody responded.

Hey Becks!

How the fuck are ya?

So listen, I’m going to be speaking to the UW Ad Club on April 10th which I’m sure you already knew because, let’s face it, you know everything.

Case and point: That one time we had a flat tire on I-94 and I was all like “OH MY GOD WHAT DO WE DO AND IS THAT A WEREWOLF?” You were all like “Chill, Stremke, I got this.”

I still can’t believe that Hispanic couple offered to give us a ride if we helped pay for gas, especially when they only had one functioning seatbelt. Did they think we were idiots or something?

Anyway. I’m writing to you because I’m hoping to field a few questions in advance so I can better prepare my presentation. I’ve given these talks before and I’ve always felt like I was just regurgitating the same shit that students have heard dozens of times before.

I know you’re probably busy with schoolwork, watching Real World or whatever kids who were born after the fall of Fraggle Rock are watching these days, but I’d really appreciate it if you would maybe just send me a question or two by the end of the week.

Can’t wait to catch up!

-Stremke

Beller,

You know I’m coming to speak to the UW Ad Club on April 10th, right? There should’ve been an email that went out a couple of weeks ago mentioning such news.

Now, I know you’ve probably got big plans to celebrate the 100th anniversary of the Titanic’s maiden voyage, but I’m really hoping I can convince you to come to my event instead.

I can neither confirm nor deny the following, but I heard the Ad Club got Ogilvy’s grandson to do sign language for any hearing-impaired student in attendance. Can you believe that? Ogilvy III?

Again, I understand how busy you must be buying up all the iceberg lettuce in town for the attendees at your Titanic party, but I urge you to come to my event if only for a little bit. It would mean the world to me.

-Stremke

Hey Bishop!

I was going to call you “Bish” like the way tween girls say it to lovingly greet other in the school bathroom, but I decided that was pretty dumb.

QQ: (Quick Question)

Did you know that I’m speaking to the UW Ad Club on April 10th? You did? That’s fantastic news! I knew you’d be the one to remember.

That being said, I’m writing to you because I’m hoping to field a few questions in advance so I can better prepare my presentation. I’ve given these talks before and I’ve always felt like I was just regurgitating the same shit that students have heard dozens of times before.

I know you’ve got some great QQ’s (Quantifiably-awesome Questions) in that noggin of yours, so set them free!

Keep moving diagonally.

-Stremke

Brozy,

How’re the cattle holding up after last weekend’s storm?

Just kidding! I know they all died. That tornado was an F4, right?

Anyway, did you know I’m speaking to the UW Ad Club on April 10th?

Cool.

I’m writing to you because I’m hoping to field a few questions in advance so I can better prepare my presentation. I’ve given these talks before and I’ve always felt like I was just regurgitating the same shit that students have heard dozens of times before.

So, finish shoveling up cow parts later and send me some questions, will ya?

Thanks.

-Stremke

CC,

How’s it hanging? Well I hope.

As I’m sure you’re aware, I’m speaking to the UW Ad Club on April 10th which, according to my calendar, is just over two weeks away.

That’s one less week away than my colonoscopy! (If I can level with you, I think I just need to eat more leafy greens.)

So I’ve given these types of talks in the past and more often than not students just fall asleep or sext with each other all night. And I wouldn’t mind if they didn’t snore or if they at least sexted me every once in awhile, BUT NO.

Whatever, right? Fuck ‘em.

Anyway. I’m writing to you because I’m hoping to field a few questions in advance so I can better prepare my presentation. I’ve always felt like I was just regurgitating the same shit that students have heard dozens of times before, and I don’t want to do that this time.

Which is why I’m writing to you and every Ad Club member personally!

So send me some questions and I’ll do my best to answer them.

Thanks!

-Stremke

ABC,

First of all, I love your initials. You must have the best time entering them in when you get the high score on all the arcade games you play.

As I’m sure you know, I’m a super duper designer guy who works at an ad agency in Madison called Planet Propaganda, and I’m speaking to the UW Ad Club on April 10th.

Crazy coincidence, huh? No, not really.

That’s why I’m writing to you personally. (And, between you and me, you’re my favorite so far.)

So send me some questions, will ya?

-Stremke

Coker,

I assume your last name is Coker based on your email address, which begs the question: Do you have a half-sibling with the last name Diet-Coker?

That’s just a little fun you can have with wordplay, now on to more important things.

As you probably know, my name is Evan Stremke, and I’m a designer at Planet Propaganda, a design and advertising agency here in Madison. Not only that, but I’m speaking at the UW Ad Club on April 10th.

Wow isn’t that so neat? You bet it is.

So hey, I’m writing to you because I’m hoping to field a few questions in advance so I can better prepare my presentation. I’ve given these types of talks in the past, but I’ve always felt like I was just regurgitating the same shit that students have heard dozens of times before, and I don’t want to do that this time because your time is valuable (sorry for this stupid email).

So holler if you have any questions you’d like me to answer.

-Stremke