
Cue the applause
Blue ribbons, golds stars and other mental back-pats.
Back when my dad first retired, he went through a bit of an emotional malaise. But then he entered one of his paintings into a local art show, and it won the blue ribbon. Instantly his state of mind took a turn for the better. We did a lot of laughing at the time about how doctors should start prescribing blue ribbons as a cure for slumps, lows and other mindset maladies. So much more festive than pills, and they look so good on the mantel.
And it’s true! It feels good to have your work recognized. It’s nice to get a compliment from your love-person. It’s deeply gratifying, and motivating, to have your boss be grateful for the work you do.
Right out of the gate, we’re raised to bask in praise. Stickers when you’re a toddler for successfully peeing in the toilet and not our pants. Gold stars and red A-pluses at school for stellar reading, writing and rithmaticking. They all give us that same lovely glow of accomplishment.
Even Likes. This is what we do now: First we share something with the world, whether it’s a pic on Instagram or a rare piece of writing on Medium. Then an hour or so later, we check back to see if anyone Liked it. Suuuper casual, no big wow. But if no one does Like it, it can be genuinely deflating.
My talent-packed friend Sandra once accidentally set her audience on Facebook to “Only Me.” For days and days, not one person Liked anything she shared. It wasn’t until she came to me (this was back when I was working at Facebook) and hesitantly asked if maybe something was up that we finally figured out what was happening. All that time, she just thought her friends didn’t like her stuff. It was a genuinely saddening experience.
We rely on that positive feedback loop. I don’t even want to tell you how often I’ve checked my stats on Medium this month. Mortifying!
We’ve even built up a tolerance to it. A few years ago, ten Likes on a post was plenty affirming. Now something needs to go viral, with hearts into the thousands, for it to truly raise your heartbeat.
If only you could get that same thrill of validation on your own, without having to rely on anyone else to give it to you.
Like maybe an electric keychain fob that randomly gives you audible cheers and applause throughout the day. Or a validation machine, only instead of validating your parking, it validates your mind. It’d be available around the clock—even in the wee hours, especially in the wee hours, when doubt-triggered insomnia does its worst. Just whisper your thoughts into your personal validator, and out spits your mental back-pat. “Great idea!” it says.
Or “You’re very smart.”
“It needed to be said.”
“I’m sure they didn’t even notice.”
“You really know what you’re doing.”
“That looks wonderful on you.”
“Good job.”
“You made it.”
“Pow.”
“Clap! Clap! Clap!”
How’s that sound? Clap, clap, clap?
