When trees attack!
Working at Facebook: An embarrassing moment from the embarrassing life of Evany “Evany Thomas” Thomas
On the day Facebook opened up its newly constructed quad in the center of its first Menlo Park metropoloffice, I took a stroll by Mark Zuckerberg’s new digs just to see how his fancy new terrarium had turned out. Suuuuuper casually, I squinted into the wall of windows, trying to see past my reflection. And there was Zuck, and Cox, and Sheryl, along with 30 other dudes in suits, having like a Summit of Seriousness and Solemnity 15 feet from where I was walking.
And all of a sudden I felt an iron fist grab my hair and violently yank my head back to a root-tearing stop. My body was still moving though, and for a few beats I stretched into a weird sort of limbo, my head trapped behind with my feet way out ahead. I scrambled to get my feet back under me and tried to turn to see whatwhywho was happening, but I couldn’t move.
After a moment of extreme puzzlement with irrational rage under, I finally figured it out. Turns out! My patented pile of heidi-hair braids had caught on one of the branches of the tree that had been planted right in front of Zuck’s office. And no matter how I twisted and craned, I couldn’t manage to unhook myself. I frantically tugged out tufts of braid until finally, thirty hundred million embarrassment years (15 Earth seconds) later, I was able to work myself free.
Laughing uncontrollably, my hair unravelled and bulging, I staggered drunkenly away, a goodly chunk of my hair staying behind with the tree, waving gently goodbye in the wind.
EPILOGUE: The next day at lunch, I walked by the scene of my uprooting, and there was the tree. Only now it was completely naked. All of its branches had been neatly sawed away.