Don’t be that parent

Why you should not be overly gender-dividing your kids

When my mom wanted to talk sweetly to me, she never even once called me princess. She called me her treasure, her “Schätzchen”, a nickname she would apply to boys, too. However, I’ve always been very aware that I was not a boy. (Story for another day…)

I have been spared being a pampered girly girl, though, and it centers me in being a person first every day.

By the time my sister was born, only 4 years later, the toy industry had completely changed to a pink princess world and in comparison to me, in her young years, she has always been dressed and designated a pixie, a princess, an angel, a smiling, dancing wildling in pink…

My sister and me all dressed up for “Fasching” in the early nineteeneighties. ©evejay

Kindergarten had been harder for her. Nothing could protect her from the awful reality of teachers not holding her in the same regard as her family. It’s your first heart-break.

Do you remember fighting with the other girls over who was the princess today? Or whose Barbie’s turn it was to rule the others?

A kingdom can only have so much princesses (hint: 1) and by now, you should know about the foulness of being “the one cool girl unlike the others” at your workplace. By now, you have been in therapy about your depression, rooted in your indoctrination of being “special”. By now, you’ve been through your adult pink phase and you’re old enough to shop in the beige section. (Apparently beige is so relaxing…)


Change comes and goes.

Gender is up for discussion.

Taste is individual. Pink is for whoever likes it.

I like it monochrome, but that’s just me and forever leaning on the reliability of black and white existing in endless combinations. 
My favorite colors have always been a complete rainbow and I strongly suggest you look at a few of them during your lifetime.

By now we COULD all agree sex is not gender and gender is either evolving or has always been fluid, but there are always a few stereotypical manly men and girly girls who will for the life of them insists that anything beyond what they’re incorporating is unnatural or unreal.

(Fight amongst yourselves if you wish, I am not going to discuss with you…)


My point being, that the stimuli you offer your children DO have an effect.

We cannot control our environment, but we can make conscious decisions to not be or raise stereotypes.

My take on it is, that stereotype-conditioned kids will come in crisis as much as other kids, but they will most likely be self-entitled and cruel about it, because they have accepted (and sometimes desperately fought to achieve) a role that comes with the idea of privilege and exclusion of others.

Be cool. Raise your kids to be kind.

(And if you can’t be kind to yourself, at least be kind to others. Not the other way around.)

Kindly,
Eve


PS: I’ve had the privilege of dressing up as male characters for “Fasching” (see pic above), something most young boys were(/are) strictly denied. Adult men cross-dressing is a whole ‘nother story. Start by reading this.


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