Stop fighting to each other. Do these instead.

We fight a lot. Be it cold war or arguing, friends or partner.

But do you ever think of ‘why do we fight?’ Fight usually does nothing but harms relationship. You may say ‘Cold wars don’t.’ Hmm. It seems harmless, though it actually build walls between us. Not to mention the arguing; it’s reckless and going without thinking. How many words you burst out that you instantly regret?

Having a fight with friends is more common in school. As a child or teenager, we are naive and reckless. We go for what we want and get rid of everything that is useless. We are all different beings; our beliefs vary. Sometimes our determination leads to conflicts of beliefs, and therefore, quarrel. Do you remember arguing for whether going to a party, or for what to buy. There’s always something to argue with. Sure, we believe in different norms, we hold different standards, but it doesn’t necessarily mean we should fight. Diversity makes the world better. So we don’t need to have everybody agreed with us. It’s not possible.

Instead, think of what can we do when conflicts come.

We can’t eliminate our own beliefs and establish a new one just to cater to others. But we can avoid conflicts. How to do it? Here’re a few hacks.

  1. Be calm

I know, it’s easier said than done. But it’s a cliché but it’s always true. If you don’t control your emotion and let it all out, you’ll burst out words that you’re going to regret. So before you do so, make sure you’re calming down. Sometimes it seems irresistible to scold him or her. When this time comes, just stop what you are shouting and turn away. Find some quiet place. Let things cool down.

Things are always the worst when we first find out. So let it sit for a while then go back to consider: what is the best way to deal with the problems? Solution drops by more often when you’re calm.

2. Don’t force people accept your norms

Sometimes it’s hard to accept that people hold the opposite norms of us. Maybe he or she think that it’s ok to go without tipping, but you disagree. Mostly the difference comes from our backgrounds, culture, values and so on. Remember, people have different beliefs. And that’s what shape them as a living person. Embrace to diversity — you don’t have to agree with them, but you can let them continue to believe so. Most importantly, don’t force them to believe in what you believe. Very often our beliefs are deep-rooted and thus difficult to change. What would you think if somebody is trying to turn your norms around? It surely doesn’t feel good. So put yourself into their shoes. And you’ll know what to do.

Fighting hurts. It hurts our heart, our relationship, and our mind. Stop doing this and try to avoid it.

We don’t fight, not because we are coward, nor because we have no grounds to support; it’s just because we realize the consequences and we cherish the relationship.

So, if you do treasure your relationship, fighting is not on your list.

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