Ignoring that Little Voice we all have.

Eve-Marie Bergren
Nov 7 · 3 min read

2 weeks ago on October 19, my fiancé left me with a text, cleared out the house and turned off his phone while I was across town. I have no idea why he did this. My heart is broken as it seemed out of the blue and so cruel. I could be very angry and say he’s a psychotic asshole and stay a victim.

But I’ll be honest. There were signs, there were red flags. Owning my part means that I have to look back carefully on how I showed up from the beginning. I was taught to hold it together, keep the peace, and make things work. This was the professional training for growing up in a family plagued by addiction. If it looked good on the outside, then it had to be ok on the inside. In my youth, this was my secret weapon. I could ignore someone’s bad behavior completely because it meant survival. It meant keeping myself safe in a chaotic household. It meant I might be loved. It meant I would have a roof over my head and food if I just shut up and played along. I was the Great Pretender.

I allowed him to come on strong into my life and home and never exactly said no. I allowed him to push hard to be in a relationship. I allowed him into my home space with my daughter and gave him my time. I allowed his love letters to sweep me off my feet. I allowed him to take care of me and insert himself in my life. I abandoned myself to make him more comfortable. Maybe it was possible to erase someone’s troubled path and diminish oneself in order to create an “us”? This was my own arrogance. My negative trait. I see another’s potential, not the true version that is presented. I did this by ignoring that Little Voice and showed up with a smile when the music was playing in the background like a Disney overture at the wrong time.

Acceptance, I told myself, is not always a flaw. Acceptance means we have the strength to meet another where they are without judgement. Unless we have abandoned ourselves to accept another.

I had recently stood up for myself before he left me. I said the things I needed to say. I gave him back a metaphorical box with a ribbon, inside were all the folded and stored parts he wouldn’t admit. “Here”, I said, “Take this back instead of giving me your boxes.” Some part of me deep down knows that this was the end. That Little Voice that was so diminished and fierce that it rose up like like a dust devil and consumed and coated everything with dust in it’s path. I had called him out, and he didn’t like it. And so he left.

Lesson learned. I’m sad and hearbroken, yes. But I am not that little girl trying to survive. I am not a victim in this. I participated in choosing a diminished role. And I will be the dust devil, rising up from the desert as soon as I need to. I’m going to be that strong woman which means I will probably step on someone’s toes. The price will be relationships in business and in the love arena, but the reward will be respect.

It’s not always pretty.
But don’t ignore the Little Voice at the cost of your own soul.
Say it.
The ones who really love you will stick around.

Eve-Marie Bergren

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Writer, artist, designer, real estate agent, creative, adventurer, mom, Idaho mountain outdoors, gardening, reading, movies, mountain biking, skiing, yoga.