Your parody ignores a very real problem.
The Aeon article is overwrought, but as more and more of our human contact becomes virtual instead of physical, these are questions we should answer. No, VR murders aren’t going to mean a real person dies, but the way people act online causes real life problems. Instead of worrying about whether or not someone might go full Neo, notice that people are systematically harassed out of online spaces by packs of real racists commanding armies of bots. We don’t allow that in a grocery store, but we allow it on twitter. And we know that such behavior has driven real people to suicide.