An Open Letter to Hulu Support

Eve Peyser

Update: @hulu_support responded and removed him from my account. I love you @hulu_support.

@hulu_support i swear to god ther’s nothing i can do to get this guy i used to date off my hulu plus.

example of my distress regarding this situation. i substituted “netflix” for “hulu” merely because i didn’t want to subtweet too hard. it was a different time!

let me tell you the story: i was naive, and was really into him. we’d been hanging a lot and were having a really nice time. we did a lot of cuddling and tv watching at his place. a lot of n*tf*x and ch*ll, if u will.

i was with him shortly after he had purchased an xbox. we wanted to watch something on ur excellent streaming service, a streaming service which i truly think tops any of ur competitors. ad-free hulu plus 4 life. so i logged into my account. i activated his xbox on my comp, typed in a code, and voila, we began to enjoy the wonders of ad-free hulu plus.

a truly magical time!

fast forward to a couple weeks later… he breaks up with me. i am very sad. the first thing i do when i get home, in between sobs, is remove his xbox from my ad-free hulu plus account. my ad-free hulu plus is a privilege, not a right, and if he doesn’t want to be with me, he does not get my ad-free hulu plus. no sir!

and yet i notice the tell-tale signs of him being on my account: he watches things with closed captioning, and sometimes when i open a tv show, closed captioning is automatically on. i never watch things with closed captioning. suspect.

and he loses my place in tv shows we both watch, like the excellent fox sitcom brooklyn nine-nine, only available on hulu.

but our break-up is not the end of ’n*tf*x and ch*llin’! for we continue to see each other on-and-off — it wasn’t healthy, i know — and my suspicions are confirmed: my hulu plus account still works on his xbox.

another example of my ongoing distress

at one point, he has the gall to lie to me and tell me it has somehow stopped working. i then CATCH HIM THE FUCK OUT on that lie. he’s not even ashamed. he loves that he still gets to utilize this benefit that only men who commit to me and family members have. white male privilege!

oh and also, i changed the password on the account. still no dice.

so what will it take to get him off my account, @hulu_support? are you punishing me for being slutty with my password, giving it to a guy a month and a half into seeing each other? to reiterate, i was naive!! i really have learned my lesson. like now ur not getting my hulu plus login info unless we move in together.

so please, help me get my account off that xbox!! it’s not only because it’s the fair thing to do — he didn’t earn the privilege to use my account — but also, i get sad every time i open an episode of brooklyn nine-nine and see my place is lost and there’s closed captioning. i don’t want to think of my ex during those moments.

no, instead, i want to daydream about your amazing streaming service, a service overwhelmingly superior to their competitors. a streaming service with such good customer service, they will go to his apartment and forcibly remove it from his xbox, if that’s what it takes.

i love you hulu plus.

yours forever,

Eve Peyser

P.S. @xboxsupport i’m all ears

Eve Peyser

Written by

Columnist for GEN • Have also written for: the New York Times, NYMag, Vice, et al.

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