I used to wear a lot of makeup. I would paint my face like a Christina Aguilera every day. I did this because I wanted boys to like me, because my purpose in life is having boys like me because I love their penises and I also love how much they protect me.
One steamy summer day, I was sitting in Washington Square Park. I was sweating, my makeup curdling and popping off my face. I felt like a sexy hot fembot until I saw a tweet on Twitter.com. Now this tweet was from a man. The man said, “I don’t like girls who wear makeup. I like girls who are natural.”
Immediately, I plunged my face into the fountain. I scrubbed my face in that fountain water until it was clear, until it was pure, until it was natural. I yelled to the men of the world,
“Do you like me now?! Also hey, what’s up? I’m single! But I’m not looking for anything serious! Also I’m a cool girl! I don’t wear makeup. Unless you want me to! Then I totally will!”
No one responded but then the police came and arrested me. Then I died. Now I’m a ghost. Ghosts can’t wear makeup so I don’t wear makeup.