Touch Awareness; Beatrice
Beatrice is a client I have been seeing for massage for 5 years twice a week. She is a dear soul who suffers from paranoid delusions and general debilitation with early stages of Parkinson’s disease. In a natural state I believe Beatrice is very, very sensitive with a fragile nervous system. With what she speaks of, as too many medications, her sensitivity is high. Some days every sound affects her ability to focus.
As with many persons suffering from these conditions, as well as various levels of dementia, conversation on my part as a practitioner involves me in listening deeply. I have to be fully present and listen not only with my head but also with my heart and with my body. I have to ask myself how does this feel?. Being open to possibilities and not judging or putting dialogues into a specific prepared package is of the utmost importance. I have to meet my client as an empty vessel otherwise I cannot listen in the current moment.
Last week this concept and approach of listening deeply was dramatically validated once again.
Entering her room, I recognized that Beatrice was feeling vulnerable and shamed. Her head was down and her eyes were closed. When she opened her eyes she looked embarrassed. She took no time to say hello. She said her bottom hurt and she could not go to lunch because she was afraid to eat because she might have digestive problems. She kept saying hands had hurt her.
I listened as Beatrice began to recount her story about being molested before dawn. As she was describing being flipped over here and there, having her cloths torn off, and hands being in private places, I felt she was telling the truth. Being in nursing homes and other institutions I felt from experience, that Beatrice really felt what she was saying however was it possible that the intention of the incident was not molestation.
As I listened I looked around the room. I listened to my heart with mind open for possibilities. On the dresser I saw diaper rash cream with the lid off as if the care provider had been in a hurry. The closet doors were left open. In the bathroom the toothpaste had the cap off and there was bathroom tissue trailing from the roll to the floor. Someone had been in a serious hurry. The story made sense. I just knew someone had come in very early not waking Beatrice up fully and changed her diaper really fast and put cream on her with fast unaware hands. Beatrice had been unintentionally wounded both physically and emotionally.
Finding the nurse in charge I recounted the story. Before I could ask for what I needed, the nurse laughed it off by saying Beatrice had delusions. I told her I wanted her to check to see if Destin cream had been put on Beatrice that morning because if it had we needed to speak to the provider about approach. As I was leaving Beatrice’s room the nurse came in and apologized to me and said yes someone had come in and applied cream very early and that the incident had been reported. Will anything change? Who knows?
Touch Awareness is a hard concept for health care providers to grasp. It requires a shift in mindset. Administrators and providers see this level of skill as time consuming rather than a focusing concept which takes no extra time however it does require consciousness. In a system where time management and understaffing are strategies for profit, change is hard. Is it the caregiver? No! Caregivers are not the problem. Adequate training and support are the issue. That’s another blog piece.
This is the second time this has happened in this site. This does not have to be. With training in Touch Awareness skills this type of shame and terror can be decreased to a minimum. I know that Beatrice is not the only one who suffers from unskilled touch from caring providers who do not know how profound and valuable their touch is. They do not know that their touch speaks a language and they have the opportunity to say “I’m here to take care of you” or “I am here to hurt you.” This is not fair to either person.
I look forward to your comments on this topic.
