Dating with Panic disorder and Anxiety.

For the last 4 years I have been living with Panic Disorder and Anxiety. Before that I was a normal girl. I woke up every morning with a smile and the will to fight the day. Then one day it all changed. I found myself face first on the bathroom floor with EMT’s rushing through the door. I had no idea what had just happened, but I felt like I was about to die. Since that day I have woken up every morning dizzy, and unable to get out of bed.

That’s the difference between anxiety and panic attacks, a lot of people think they are one in the same, but you can have anxiety and not have panic attacks, but if you have panic attacks you also have anxiety. Some days I envy those who only have anxiety. I know it’s lonely either way, but I could live without waking up in the middle of the night not able to breathe. Unlike some I don’t have to be thinking about anything, or be in a high stress situation for a panic attack to come on. I could be sitting across from you while you talk about your day, and then all of a sudden I will feel my brain losing oxygen. Sometimes I faint and other times I can breathe out of it. It affects a lot in my life especially relationships.

Panic episodes can last for a couple days, where I get one every couple hours or 10 minutes and then I am perfectly fine, and in the past 4 years I have come a long way. I still have a long journey ahead of me and I can only hope someone can see through all of that.

Relationships are scary for me, because I worry that the person I love will not understand. I can become so moody and sad without even realizing it. I am terrified I will drag them down with me, and then they will be full of resentment. Maybe I am better off alone. Who wants to be with the girl that is constantly losing their mind? I fear I will look dramatic, but in reality I am just a normal girl trapped inside her own head.