Normcore porn

8:45. Restate my assumptions

  1. Life is text
  2. Music is a drug
  3. Brains don’t rest, they switch modes

0. Amount of shit you have together is inverse proportional to a number of fucks given (exploration/exploitation trade-off)

Recent couple of days I have been pretty hard at work trying to figure my entire life out. Needless to say, I made a lot of progress.

From all my time in London, I did not learn much. I had some amazing experiences, but I can hardly transform these memories into anything symbolic. That’s all saṃsāric bullshit, that’s not life. Life is text.

A friend of mine back in Moscow said one time that doing drugs only makes sense if you can “take this fountain of energy and turn it into something else”. There is something fundamentally appealing in the notion of transforming energy. To me, it is still a general life principle — I am normally pretty happy and energetic, but if there is nowhere to put this energy into, there is no point.

With regards to that, my accomplishments since I graduated are pretty modest. One side project, a couple of useful thoughts. There has been a generic feeling that I am really figuring life out, but as long as there is no text to show for it, there is no point.


Have you ever heard about normcore porn? You haven’t, there is no such term, because there is nothing interesting about something being normal. Normal porn is still pretty exciting if you are in the right mood, but you would hardly talk to anyone about it. It is exciting, but not interesting. Same as a massive burger you normally have with your mates for brunch on Saturday. The meat is cooked just right, and when you bite, it feels amazing. You could say something like “Oh my God, this tastes great!” when you tried it for the first time. But the more you say it, the less it makes sense in a context of your pathetic Hedonic treadmill of a life. If you only eat the burger once a week, you can keep enjoying it for long enough, but you can only enjoy saying it once.

As a viewer of normcore porn, I have to admit: life after graduation felt very similar. You get excited about it, then most of the nice things you expect to happen, happen. There is not much to say about it.

I have been less active chasing the cool recently, distracted by all these nice things I now have access to. “Nice” is a great feeling, but it is also a pretty dull word. Real world can and should be pleasant, but not at the expense of a discourse.

As much as talking about nice things ruins the beauty of talking, it also takes away the magic of real life, non-conceptual nice things. The world is to be experienced, not heard about. When I write “Life is text”, it means “Life” is text. Whenever you conceptualise it, you are already in the realm of your imagination. When you are in the moment, living it, there is no concept, just a feeling.

You may have never suspected even what has destroyed love. Is it the continuous teaching of love that has destroyed it.

“Life” the concept and life the process, need to try and keep them apart.