“Femininity Expert” Ro Élori Cutno Gives Dangerous “Rape Prevention” Tip

Over the past decade or so, it has become popular for Black men and women to build a following on social media, and earn a pretty penny, by expressing their dissatisfaction with–and sometimes outright hatred of–Black American women.

Among their chief complaints is the accusation that Black American women are “hard” and “unfeminine.” Some people claim that this is one of the reasons why many Black American women have never been married — they are unmarriageable due to their “hard” and “unfeminine” behavior. Never mind the fact that the percentage of Black American men who have never been married is slightly higher than, but almost equal to, the percentage of Black American women who have never been married. We’ll leave those figures alone, for now.

It is also claimed that the “hard” and “unfeminine” behavior of Black women is to blame for the faults and negative outcomes of Black men and boys, because “they were raised by hard and unfeminine single Black mothers.”

In a nutshell, almost everything that is wrong and dysfunctional within the Black American collective, especially the decline of nuclear Black families and the high illegitimacy rate, is laid squarely at the feet of Black American women and their supposed “lack of femininity.”

The solution that some have proposed is that Black American women need to be more feminine, soft, submissive, and nurturing. And of course, self-appointed “femininity experts” are all too willing to instruct Black American women and capitalize on their vulnerabilities and desires.

Many single Black American women want to be more elegant, poised, refined, and feminine [in the sense of having qualities or appearance traditionally associated with women, especially delicacy and prettiness] in order to attract quality potential marriage suitors.

Many married Black women want to develop the same qualities, but in order to be better wives, improve their marriages, and cultivate these qualities in their daughters.

I don’t think there is anything wrong with desiring these things. However, good desires without discernment lead many unsuspecting Black American women to absorb a poisonous mixture of truth and lies from “femininity experts.”

Enters Ro Elori Cutno.

Ro Cutno is the founder of the “Institute of Feminine Grace” [IFG] which “is dedicated to teaching and empowering both feminine and masculine energy, creating yin-yang harmony for generations of family excellence.”

In 2013, Cutno published a book called, “Man Leads…Woman Follows, Everyone Wins” which teaches women how to be Stepford wives and boxes both women and men into rigid sexist roles. There are a number of problems with the advice in this book, but I won’t get into that here.

Ro Cutno remains at the center of controversy for all the wrong reasons. For example, check out this gem from her Facebook page.

Some might think that I’m taking Cutno’s statement out of context. But even if you read the original post, all of the comments, and the exchange between Ro Cutno and Neecey Bell, Cutno’s statement still didn’t make one drop of sense and comes across as deeply irrational.

Considering that most of her target audience is Black women who hang on her every word, I find it very concerning that she would say that if a potential rapist or killer is stalking you, you should look him straight in the eye and show him respect in order to stay alive. This is one of the most dangerous “rape/murder prevention tips” that I have ever seen.

One in five Black non-Hispanic women (19.6%) have experienced stalking in their lifetime. In predominantly Black low-income neighborhoods, it is not uncommon for Black women and girls to be stalked by rapists, murderers, kidnappers, and robbers.

There are personal accounts and news reports online of Black women who were harassed and followed by men who couldn’t handle rejection and responded with violence. This is an unfortunate reality that some Black women and girls face in crime-ridden neighborhoods. I have been followed before and it is a frightening feeling.

I scoured a number of self-defense websites for tips on what to do if you are being followed, and none of them advised women to look a potential rapist or murderer in the eye and show them respect. In fact, a number of websites say not to make eye contact with someone who is following you and do not continually look in their direction. NO websites said to “show respect” to a stalker.

Ro Cutno portrays herself as having superior knowledge of men and women, and has implied on numerous occasions that being “feminine” (by her standard) can prevent women from being abused, raped, and murdered.

The evidence refutes her. Women and girls are stalked, raped, and murdered everyday in the United States and in foreign nations where Cutno and her ilk think women are “more feminine.” Being feminine, soft, and nurturing has never, and will never, protect women from abuse, users, or prevent rape or murder.

This is a form of victim-blaming which puts the responsibility on women and girls to be “feminine” in order to avoid repelling “healthy men” and avoid attracting narcissists, sociopaths, and psychopaths. It’s basically a very sick and twisted spin on the law of attraction.

The men that Ro Cutno claims are “healthy men” aren’t actually healthy if they are leaving women to defend themselves against abusers and users, and then rationalizing their cowardice and lack of moral fortitude by saying that they were “forced” to leave such women behind because they are “hard” and “unfeminine.”

A healthy man stands up for women and girls and holds predatory men accountable because he knows that it is the right thing to do. A healthy man doesn’t require a woman to be “feminine” by Cutno’s standard in order to check abusers and users.

Whether women and girls look some psychopath in the eye and “show respect” or not, that isn’t going to stop deranged lunatics from following and harming them. The problem isn’t that Black American women need to wear more pink girly clothing, lace, pearls, be soft spoken, smile non-stop for no reason, and wear their hair natural. The problem is that psychotic men have an attitude of dominance and ownership over women and girls. Ultimately, Cutno’s brand of “femininity” is not a cure for violence.