It Makes Me Ill

Monday: 5km ran, 20 min weight lifting, 1 lesson prepped for observation, 3 handfuls of skittles devoured, 3 big mugs of tea drank, 0 times checked to see if he’s still following me on social media.

And there it is, like magic, I no longer feel nauseous at the thought of him. Our memories are slowly making me smile, rather than cry. Although I’d run to him if he called, I’m okay. I’m going to be just fine.

This time of year sucks. Christmas is for love, and I’m sick and tired of being alone at Christmas.

But I’ll be okay.

It doesn’t help that we met at Christmas time last year; that the last time we hung out, he mentioned that our “one year” was slowly creeping up…

Oh. There’s the nausea.

At least I can still feel. And I’m strong; so much stronger than this.

I just wish I knew that he missed me too.

Either way, I don’t cringe at the thought of him. I’m not dying to check his profiles (I’m actually avoiding it completely) or looking for any other way to initiate contact.

Like the rest of my muscles that I spend so much time working on, my heart must tear in order to build itself up, stronger than ever.

I got this.
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