A Thank-You Letter to My Ex’s

Photo by Thomas Quaritsch

It feels wrong to group you all together, knowing full well that not a single one of you looked, smelled, felt, or acted like the other. All completely separate entities in every action, thought and love you gave. The only common denominator is me.

Some people have a “type” — that isn’t to my liking, so it’s hard to address you as one. But if it weren’t for one, I would have never reached for the other. A secession of domino effects that felt like a passing of arms.

I’m writing to you all today, to apologize, for never giving you my all. For withdrawing the moment that felt like I was giving you more of me than what I was willing to part with. For not considering your feelings. For hanging on longer than was necessary out of comfort.

Every breakup caused a reflection and a discomfort. I used to joke that the serial monogamist in me didn’t know how to be alone, but now it feels like less of a joke, and more like the sad truth of how I spent my youth. It was fear of being alone that kept me by your side for longer than both of us needed.

I guess that the silver lining is that if it wasn’t for you, the time, heartbreak, and the growth, I would not be who I am today. So, I’m thanking you for the lessons, the tears and the confirmation that we were not meant to stay together.

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Originally published at www.eviegold.com on August 21, 2018.