Third Eye Blind Finalizes the Lyrics to “I Want You”
There will be no regrets when the worms come,
And they will surely come.
— Third Eye Blind, “I Want You”
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KEVIN CADOGAN: Alright, cool. I think the ladies are really gonna go for this one.
ARION SALAZAR: Especially that last part: “No apology because my urge is genuine / And the mystery of your rhythm is so feminine.”
STEPHAN JENKINS: It’s important that the urge is sincere. I won’t budge on that.
CADOGAN: Right. So what are we thinking for the chorus?
JENKINS: I should probably say, “Yeah you do, you do, you do” like, twenty times. Then I’ll say: “I want you.” That’s the name of the song. I just named it.
SALAZAR: Nice.
JENKINS: And then almost in the background, real soft, I’ll be like: “Send me all your vampires.”
(A beat.)
CADOGAN: Wait, what?
JENKINS: Ya, almost like I’m far away or a ghost or something. (cups hands over mouth) Send me all your vaaaampires…
CADOGAN: I guess I’m a little confused about what’s happening in the song.
SALAZAR: Yeah, I mean, so far it’s been boilerplate I want-you, I-can’t-get-enough stuff. Now it sounds like Van Helsing is looking for freelance work.
JENKINS: (rolls eyes) It’s like, send me all your demons and I’ll drive a fucking STAKE through their hearts, because that’s how hard I want you, girl. I totally foreshadowed this metaphor with the “suckers” in line 1.
CADOGAN: Right. OK. We’ll come back to that. So for the next verse —
JENKINS: The village churchyard is filled with bones weeping in the grave.
SALAZAR: What the shit?
BRAD HARGREAVES: I like it.
SALAZAR: Can it, Brad! No one even knew you were here.
CADOGAN: Yeah, can it, Brad. We all know you worship Stephan.
HARGREAVES: Stephan is super talented!
JENKINS: Ya. This is like, a gothic love song? I guess I’m the only one here who’s ever read Flannery O’Connell.
SALAZAR: O’Connor.
JENKINS: No, the writer. So for the next part, they should do it by the windowsill.
CADOGAN: Alright, back to the sexy stuff. How should we phrase it?
JENKINS: “After we did it by the windowsill.”
CADOGAN: …
JENKINS: Then they spoon in the quilt that her mother made.
SALAZAR: Eww.
CADOGAN: Do we have to mention the mother?
JENKINS: Ya, she made the quilt, so they thought about her the whole time they were doing it.
CADOGAN: Ugh. Then what?
JENKINS: She talks him to sleep like a jazz DJ.
SALAZAR: (chokes on his beer)
CADOGAN: We may want to punch that one up.
JENKINS: You think it should be a different kind of DJ?
HARGREAVES: I think it’s a rad line, Stephan. I’m always falling asleep to jazz DJs.
JENKINS: Thank you, Brad. Your unwavering and totally objective support means the world to me.
HARGREAVES: (blushes)
CADOGAN: I’m afraid to ask about the next verse…
JENKINS: (thinks) (snaps fingers) “There will be no regrets when the worms come.”
HARGREAVES: Yes! That’s what this song was missing — WORMS!
SALAZAR: Worms?
JENKINS: The worms come for us all, Arion.
HARGREAVES: And yet Top 40 Radio would have us believe otherwise. God, Stephan, this song is so brave and unflinching.
JENKINS: Thanks, Brad. Sometimes I think you’re the only bandmate I won’t betray or otherwise alienate over the next 25 years.
CADOGAN: We can’t sing about the worms coming, man —
JENKINS: AND THEY — WILL SURELY — COME! That’s part of the song too now. That’s what you get for questioning my lyrical genius.
CADOGAN: …goddamnit.
JENKINS: Hm, I should probably remind her to send me all her vampires. Louder this time, for emphasis.
HARGREAVES: (applauds) We’re gonna go so platinum.*
SALAZAR: I don’t want to be credited for this one.**
JENKINS: (singing) Yeah you do, you do, you do, you do, you do…
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*They did! Six times over.
**Kevin Cadogan and Arion Salazar sued Stephan Jenkins for the authorship/rights to songs including “I Want You.”