Third Eye Blind Finalizes the Lyrics to “I Want You”

There will be no regrets when the worms come,

And they will surely come.

— Third Eye Blind, “I Want You”

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KEVIN CADOGAN: Alright, cool. I think the ladies are really gonna go for this one.

ARION SALAZAR: Especially that last part: “No apology because my urge is genuine / And the mystery of your rhythm is so feminine.”

STEPHAN JENKINS: It’s important that the urge is sincere. I won’t budge on that.

CADOGAN: Right. So what are we thinking for the chorus?

JENKINS: I should probably say, “Yeah you do, you do, you do” like, twenty times. Then I’ll say: “I want you.” That’s the name of the song. I just named it.

SALAZAR: Nice.

JENKINS: And then almost in the background, real soft, I’ll be like: “Send me all your vampires.”

(A beat.)

CADOGAN: Wait, what?

JENKINS: Ya, almost like I’m far away or a ghost or something. (cups hands over mouth) Send me all your vaaaampires…

CADOGAN: I guess I’m a little confused about what’s happening in the song.

SALAZAR: Yeah, I mean, so far it’s been boilerplate I want-you, I-can’t-get-enough stuff. Now it sounds like Van Helsing is looking for freelance work.

JENKINS: (rolls eyes) It’s like, send me all your demons and I’ll drive a fucking STAKE through their hearts, because that’s how hard I want you, girl. I totally foreshadowed this metaphor with the “suckers” in line 1.

CADOGAN: Right. OK. We’ll come back to that. So for the next verse —

JENKINS: The village churchyard is filled with bones weeping in the grave.

SALAZAR: What the shit?

BRAD HARGREAVES: I like it.

SALAZAR: Can it, Brad! No one even knew you were here.

CADOGAN: Yeah, can it, Brad. We all know you worship Stephan.

HARGREAVES: Stephan is super talented!

JENKINS: Ya. This is like, a gothic love song? I guess I’m the only one here who’s ever read Flannery O’Connell.

SALAZAR: O’Connor.

JENKINS: No, the writer. So for the next part, they should do it by the windowsill.

CADOGAN: Alright, back to the sexy stuff. How should we phrase it?

JENKINS: “After we did it by the windowsill.”

CADOGAN: …

JENKINS: Then they spoon in the quilt that her mother made.

SALAZAR: Eww.

CADOGAN: Do we have to mention the mother?

JENKINS: Ya, she made the quilt, so they thought about her the whole time they were doing it.

CADOGAN: Ugh. Then what?

JENKINS: She talks him to sleep like a jazz DJ.

SALAZAR: (chokes on his beer)

CADOGAN: We may want to punch that one up.

JENKINS: You think it should be a different kind of DJ?

HARGREAVES: I think it’s a rad line, Stephan. I’m always falling asleep to jazz DJs.

JENKINS: Thank you, Brad. Your unwavering and totally objective support means the world to me.

HARGREAVES: (blushes)

CADOGAN: I’m afraid to ask about the next verse…

JENKINS: (thinks) (snaps fingers) “There will be no regrets when the worms come.”

HARGREAVES: Yes! That’s what this song was missing — WORMS!

SALAZAR: Worms?

JENKINS: The worms come for us all, Arion.

HARGREAVES: And yet Top 40 Radio would have us believe otherwise. God, Stephan, this song is so brave and unflinching.

JENKINS: Thanks, Brad. Sometimes I think you’re the only bandmate I won’t betray or otherwise alienate over the next 25 years.

CADOGAN: We can’t sing about the worms coming, man —

JENKINS: AND THEY — WILL SURELY — COME! That’s part of the song too now. That’s what you get for questioning my lyrical genius.

CADOGAN: …goddamnit.

JENKINS: Hm, I should probably remind her to send me all her vampires. Louder this time, for emphasis.

HARGREAVES: (applauds) We’re gonna go so platinum.*

SALAZAR: I don’t want to be credited for this one.**

JENKINS: (singing) Yeah you do, you do, you do, you do, you do…

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*They did! Six times over.

**Kevin Cadogan and Arion Salazar sued Stephan Jenkins for the authorship/rights to songs including “I Want You.”