Peaceful parenting in violent times.
(Originally posted 6/25/2016)
The tragedy in Orlando has been weighing on my mind and made my heart heavy. I can’t even imagine the horror it was for those there and the pain felt by the families and friends of those who lost their lives. All murder is a hate crime to me. The killer is filled with hate and it permeates their minds and heart so much that they strike out and kill. The sick individual states he’s a terrorist and he certainly struck terror in so many that night. But I don’t want to get into politics and talk of bigotry. I’m sickened by this and devastated that stories like this happen on a daily basis all over the world. I sign petitions for stronger gun control but honestly, feel so powerless. The fact that our senators, congress and our government can’t find peaceful resolutions among each other is certainly a grim fact. It questions who they are truly working for and if they care at all for others. Perhaps some do, of course. But I said I didn’t want to talk politics. I’m so drained and tired of it all right now. Yet, I’m also angry and upset that it continues, again and again.
When I feel this powerless, I choose to turn my anger to a positive and try to focus on the good in the world. I choose to focus on the love in my life and in with others. I know it exists and is stronger than anyone realizes.
I choose to teach kindness, empathy, compassion and peace to my son. Even though he likes to play with Nerf guns and have pretend battles, I understand it and make sure we talk about what real guns can do in the hands of sick, sad, hate-filled people. We talk about feelings and learn how to handle them and be okay with them. If I didn’t allow him to feel them, I only imagine how it might grow and fester inside and the damage it could do to him and perhaps how he would lash out at others. His still-developing brain can’t truly comprehend the depth of something this complex. Hell, even my adult mind can’t understand it all! But when at bedtime, when we’re listing what we’re grateful for and my sweet boy says, “I’m grateful for everybody. Everybody, except the bad people with guns.” I feel perhaps he does understand it all a bit. Though I will continue to pray for the bad people with guns, for light and change to come to them. But I too, certainly am not grateful for them. Except I am grateful for all that good and connection that can come out of such sadness and grief. Though I wish there was not such violence and hate in the world. I don’t live with rose colored glasses on. I get it. I see it. I want it to end but don’t really see that happening anytime soon.
So, today I focus on the good. I focus on all the love in my life and wherever it is. It’s everywhere. I strive to continue to believe we are all one. If we truly think we’re separate and better than others then more distance and hatred can sneak in the seams. So, as hard as it is, I choose love. I choose peace and know anger can do good things like when it brings us to say ENOUGH and get off our butts and do something positive for change. As Gandhi said, “Be the change you want to see in the world.” So I will be a peaceful, conscious parent, wife and friend. I will be the change for our children and the future. I will listen to my son when he feels angry and frustrated. I will look at him and hold him in that space so he feels safe. I will demonstrate to him that we have to “feel it, to heal it” with big, overwhelming feelings. That it’s okay and normal to have them. I will never send him away for a time out, or make him feel shame or blame or guilt for feeling his emotions. THIS is how we can and will change the world! It starts with us going deep and healing ourselves. I’m working on this daily. It’s why I became a parent educator with Lori Petro’s Teach Through Love.
It’s why I went to Dr. Shefali Tsabary’s Evolve Summit last year when Lori invited me. Dr. Shefali is the author of the books, The Conscious Parent and the more recent The Awakened Family. It’s why I read them and let the words fill me and humble me and transform me.
It’s why I’ve made new inspiring friends that uplift me like Suzi Lula at The Motherhood Evolution and Roma Khetarpal author of The Perfect Parent and founder of Tools for Change. All of them were at that summit. I’m so grateful for all the new lovely friends I’ve met through the conscious parenting revolution.
It’s why I founded an Adoptive Parents support group. So I can help people feel an alliance with others who understand their specific journey and to offer help and resources.
It’s my goal with doing all these things to create a bit more peace and attunement between us all as humans.
I choose light.
I choose peace.
I choose love.
