EvRGlade’s Crash Course
for Beginners to Crypto: Blockchain (Expanded Entry)

What is Blockchain?

This is a doozy, in that it is technical, specialized knowledge, and does have an exact definition. But that definition isn’t helpful to those of us without the technical prerequisite to interpret it. So this is my creative dismantling of 'hard words’.

In the simplest possible terms, the blockchain describes the data connection itself (made up of blocks and chaining) and thus the native programming language as well as the type of contracts that are optimal there.

Blockchains are built by P2P networking, and are a key component of 'decentralized finance' (DeFi); because the network is not hosted/distributed by one single source, it is decentralized, anonymous, but publicly ledgered for security.

Imagine your house on Adams Street, for example. It's obviously only yours, and each of your neighbors houses, specifically theirs. The road links your individual driveways. Your driveways link you all to the road. So to the wide open world, you and your neighbors provide the characteristics of the Adams Street Blockchain.

But there's more... Oh yes, there is. All of the houses are separate entities that are individual- possess their own agency, attest to their own policy, but must and do interact with each other constantly, and could suffer consequences to their own policy as a result of those interactions.

You own cats. Your neighbor owns chickens. Your other neighbor crafts beer with a weird aftertaste of cedar and it smells like apples. But he hates animals and has a sign in his front yard which reads, 'I’m NOT like the other assholes!'

Your neighbor's policy says, 'In this place, we value chickens. We produce chickens. Chickens are the reason we are here on Adams and nothing can stop us from making our awesome chickens.'

But your house policy says, 'In this place, we value cats. We don't really do anything to produce them, they just keep showing up here and we won't waste them... Or whatever. We just like them, okay?'

Your other neighbor has the much simpler policy to be unlike the rest, so he just watches from his porch. He's always low-key drunk and the whole street always smells like apples. And that's nice. He's very tolerable.

Much drama ensues as you and your neighbor try to maintain the separate purpose exclusive and unique to each house, and both implement tactics to keep cats and chickens separate and away from the other's property.

There are elaborate maze gardens to lure in valuable wandering chickens and redeposit them back into their own damn yard. People hear of the chicken maze gardens and come from miles around, just to see them and hunt for eggs on your neighbor's property. Your neighbor's property is flourishing.

And damn, you've built a busy cat boot camp in your yard, where the cheeky little freeloaders spend a lot of time and grow to be very knowledgeable and skilled at doing exactly whatever the hell they want to do. And very strong! People come from miles around to see these training grounds where your cats become frighteningly educated and realize their full feline potential, but does nothing for their sense of boundaries and physical property. Your property is thriving.

And while they are there, naturally the Adams Street Blockchain visitors enjoy a brew and trade a few yarns with your apple-cedar beer neighbor (who is indeed 'different'- it is unanimous) and tell all of their friends about the crazy cool cats, chickens, and apple-cedar beer of Adams. Adams grows in reputation around the world.

Then comes a day, despite these efforts to curb interaction between the properties- efforts that in themselves formed the very basis of attraction and reputation- the day comes when the first chat is discovered (Obviously, a 'chat' is a cross between a chicken and a cat.)

It's a curious thing, good for nothing at either house, and lonely. It has no other peers. Both houses cherish the squeaky little chat, and mutually protect and tend to it, building a middle-house where they can both spend time nurturing it into the best, freakiest freak of nature it can be.

It is also loved and respected among the cats and chickens it originated from. It's special... A miracle.

Then as suddenly as it appeared, it just as suddenly has peers. Three more chats appear from the property somewhere between the maze gardens, the brewer, and the boot camp. They are all unique; impossible to precisely manufacture. It is only clear that they are a byproduct of the environment that is characterized by these chickens, cats, and apple-cedar beer.

Visitors enjoying the many splendid features of Adams Street see the chats, and swoon for them. Bidding wars erupt over the Adams Apple-Cedar Chats! People tell their friends, who then place orders and pay deposits to be put on the waiting list to receive their own chat.

The brewer, mostly useless hitherto, offers to host the rehoming of the sought-after chats to divert the traffic from the carefully curated grounds of the chickens and the cats, and builds for them a baroque gallery for viewing in the neutral territory of his yard. To counter his cost, he will simply receive a portion of the final transaction. All can agree that drunk people spend more, cats and chickens alike don't benefit from trampling,
and baroque galleries don't build themselves, so this arrangement benefits all on Adams Street.

Naturally, all unadopted chats will be returned to their cushy middle-house to be cared for between auctions and to watch the cats and chickens do work.

This is the Adams Street Blockchain and the systems it hosts in coded real estate:
Minting (chickens)
Storing (cats)
NFTs (chats)
Economizing the network’s traffic and congestion (the brewer)

Note: I am well aware that this absurd analogy did go too far. I knew when the first cat and chicken example dawned on me that I would be taking it way too far. But crypto is boring. Learning about crypto is like learning a new language. Writing about crypto technically can be boring. The standard industrial terminology is a hindrance to new investors- even if people can understand it, it’s a punishment to the curious mind and it’s easier to put it down and out of mind. If the injection of absurdist humor made it more palatable and added any value to the takeaway at all, it was well worth the commitment.

If it didn't, here's a picture I found on the internet that actually tells the same story perfectly:

Here is an excellent article (and Beginner’s Guide) to check out as well, on the Pirate Chain website. They actually know what they’re talking about, and their technical explanation (see 'Blockchain’) is pretty damn digestible…

Especially now that you’ve read my interpretation. Heh.