Gender Equality & What We’re Missing About Each Other

I honestly don’t know where to start, I’m new at this. Seriously, this is my first Medium “story”. But I see other journalists, philanthropists, bloggers and just other normal people expressing and putting their views out there. I suppose I wanted to do the same. I am not special. But my views are just as important and equal as the next person’s. Even when I don’t agree with said bozo. Consider this first paragraph as a pseudo-disclaimer about my credentials. I’m just as human as you (you, the person reading this, cheers for reading btw).

I did read an article addressing one of the many issues we faced as a society today. I admired her voice for speaking out about rape culture and her attempt to dismantle it. Rape culture should — obviously— not exist, but that’s a another huge can of worms. I don’t have don’t have a can opener that big to open it up. Really shouldn’t do it by myself anyway.

Back on point; I agreed with her message of helping and inspiring other women not to accept sexism and conform to gender roles that existed 100 years ago and still exist today. But I completely disagreed about one point; that women hold “all the sexual power”.

Yeah, in this male dominant society, women have been put on this well known pedestal as some kind of prize. A rich man would get a beautiful women. That’s a common understanding. The term pig and gold-digger pair in this case. From what I understood, the woman writing the article didn’t break this stereotype. If anything she generally said withhold sex from your man. “If a guy really wants it (sex), then he can work his ass off for it.” This is just reinforcing the same stereotype. It’s not teaching women anything about being independent, it’s teaching them to use men. Eye for an eye logic, guys…

Yes, I understand in our current social climate, there still is gender discrimination. It’s hard for a woman to compete with a man. And that’s easy for me to say. I’m the triple-threat; straight, white and a guy. Check my privilege. But I was born that way, and I don’t see myself like the other straight, white men that established this system. So don’t dismiss my thoughts just because of how I was born. Double standards, guys…

So, here’s what (I think) we’re missing about each other. Empower women but also empower men. Raise the self-esteem of both genders. Stop using the system of generic partnership and sex if you hate how it’s set up. Meaning, blur the lines between gender roles. Stop reinforcing the gender roles, it doesn’t change anything.

Men are meant to act confident and masculine in bars. Women are meant to look pretty and feminine in bars. These are the basic gender roles in night life social situations and hooking up.

My confidence is just as average as the next guy in a bar. I can hold up conversations and crack a hilarious, side-stitching joke that will be told many times and go down in history as the best joke ever told. (Did my sarcasm come across the screen ok?). But that doesn’t help the shy guy.

But from what I know about relationships and romance. There is no power one person holds over another. That’s not a partnership, that’s obedience and submission.

Guys, we don’t hold any power over a woman worth keeping. And girls — I’m the die-hard feminists will rage about this in the comments — don’t use sex as a tool. Society has made men to need sex to prove his manliness. Withholding sex from him until you get what you want is exactly like “negging”. It does cause psychological damage to the guy.

There are victims on both sides, more victims on the women’s side of sexual abuse and power-play. That’s a fact.

You may be angry and want to give guys a taste of their own medicine. But that won’t work. We’ll just end up resenting each other. If we want to be equal, then blur those lines.

If you’re a really confident gal, approach a guy. Make him be the prize while your friend is too shy and waits for a guy to approach her. I love it when a girl approaches me, her confidence is the most attractive thing about her. Then we challenge each other through obnoxious but clever banter. We both grow and have a good time.

Yeah, it does feel nice to be approached. But I know it’s my job to keep this balance by approaching too. If I get shot down, I get shot down. I come to peace with it. Then move on.

True, some men can’t take rejection. Honestly, it’s hard to accept. Especially for narcissists, ego-maniacs, spoiled brats and princes/princesses.

Because we effect each other. Science shows hostile views toward someone comes from past experience. It’s not wrong to assume that those guys who commit sexually abuse have had a bad relationship with women. And then those men improperly influence women in a bad way, which then influences younger, impressionable men in a wrong way. It’s a cycle.

We’re moving in the right direction. Men who engaged in nonconsensual sex are now ostracized from society. Their careers fail and are rightly shunned. I have faith(as we all should have in something) that younger generations will be more comfortable with the opposite sex, different races, alternate religions and sexualities.

The future is bright but we’ll never move forward into it if we don’t uphold the basic morals of the fights we fight. Inspire everyone, not just yourself or your people.

Cheers for reading.