What is Life!!!!!

It is exactly a month today since I received that dreaded phone call, the breathe sucker that tied my stomach into three thirds. I begged the universe to give me one more chance and let you live, prayed to God to put you on the ICU bed and not the white box, to give you a chance to fight once more and a little harder for your dear life, but my answer was different.

It is exactly 2 days today since we put you in that bloody hole, your remains squeezed in a box not even wide or high enough for you to squat, from a chocolate brown skin turned into pale dirty dark brown and hard cold like a rock. If only you could see the millions of people who mourned you, you would know what an impact of life you pressed on this earth. Many didn’t care for the distance or the busy-ness of their schedules, they had to be there to pray for you and send you to where you rightly belong; to God. The size of your ancestral home did not matter, barrels of tears softened the ground from both the old and the young but still you lay still. I cannot begin to even tell you how brutalising the wait for your remains from the states was; it was both frustrating and exhausting but the thought of you coming back in whatever way was a little comforting. It is the longest wait ever, each day felt fresher and the pain agonizing.

But who would I be if I did not thank God. Not for your death of course (I would trade all I had for you to be back) but thanking God for giving you to me. A love so imperfect but so true. No wonder many confused it for “erotic love”. It is now that you are gone that I appreciate more why you always told me to ignore the naysayers for as long as we knew what we had. You were my biggest cheerleader and each day I wonder how to deal with your loss. You were my best friend and I thank you for allowing me in your life. Many dreams we painted, some we have fulfilled many have been left hanging. The pain is still so very skin deep and turns my stomach around, sucks life out of me, but with time I will find how best to deal with it.

The best gift I will give you is to pray for you, my children will pray for you, my whole household will pray for you for as long as we still live. Enjoy the heavenly peace my dearest friend, we shall have a blast when I come.