Breakfast // Letters

“Breakfast is the most important meal of the day”. I’m sure you’ve heard it before, or perhaps seen it printed on the side of cereal boxes (always including their product in the “balanced breakfast!!”), but to me it’s true. Not only to get the nutrition I need to start my day, but also as a time to mentally regroup and prepare for whatever the day holds.

Like most people’s, my breakfast varies based on where I am, what’s available, what I want etc., but today’s is a good example of what it tends to be.

First, there’s two biscottes, or maybe three or four if I’m feeling gourmande. One with butter, one with apricot preserves. At some point during my childhood I decided that surely apricot preserves must be what sunshine tastes like. Even now, I still find it fitting. Apricot preserves even look it, and from a scientific perspective they are hours of sunlight materialized into what I consider saccharine happiness in a jar. I really like apricot preserves. For similar reasons, marmalade is pretty dope too.

Then comes yogurt, if available, and usually cereal. I take cereal very… seriously. I still remember the honey puff cereal I grew up with, Crunch chocolate cereal, and the Marsupilami cereal that was as good in milk as it was dry. I might also have juice if there’s some around.

Last but not least, there’s tea (sometimes coffee with lots of milk and sugar

I didn’t really finish before my grandmother called me down to her room to talk to me. She said she was concerned because it seemed to her that “a beautiful life is being wasted”. I figured that that meant me. My grades aren’t really good right now, and when I’m home I tend to fall into the cycle of sleep late and wake up late with nothing much in between. She said that I was blessed, that my mind is an incredible one and everyone on her side (my maternal side) of the family has their own story about it. She asked me to please remember my gifts, and use them instead of letting them go to waste. I listened. She wasn’t wrong, the “not using them” part. I had a feeling this talk was related to my mom talking on the phone yesterday. She asked me to come to her room to finish up something with her yesterday, and when I did she was in the bathroom on her phone. She said she figured I had to know that with my grades I’m gonna have to work after college because no graduate school will admit me. That I have been lucky so far because despite my grades people can tell that I’m smart. I said nothing, and waited for her in her room. But it was still stressful obviously. When she came out I had my back turned to her, and neither of us acknowledged what she had said. She must have been talking to my grandmother.

Even before my grandma called me today, I decided today I was going to clean and neaten up my space so I wouldn’t have any excuses to not work. I want to get the tasks weighing on my now done before school starts, because that will be a whole new set of commitments to manage. While cleaning, I found a photo album with old pictures of me and cards I’ve received over the years. I found one from my high school advisor saying I was the only person she knew who “translates their interests and curiosities into full-blown learning”. I found a letter from my sister when she was in summer camp back in 2013. She talked about trying dance instead of her usual theatre, and star-gazing. She finished it by saying she hoped everything was going well, and asking me to “please get out of the house and have some fun” because “there is only one summer 2013!”. To be honest, I started tearing up. Then the last two sentences: “I can’t wait to see you again.” and “P.S. Plz respond!” with an arrow pointing past her signature to “fax to Mommy”. And I know I never responded. I don’t know why. More welling up, but I didn’t cry.

That reminded me that I do have a sister, who’s growing up, going through challenges, making friends, losing friends, thinking about her future. I want to be more involved in her life. I’m making that a goal from now on. That and to remember to call home in general more often, and keep in touch as to how I’m doing so I don’t cut myself off and feel stranded when things get hard.

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